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Ryersonian sold to Eyeopener, journalism chair announces

By Eyeopener Staff

The Eyeopener has purchased the other school paper, The Ryersonian, according to School of Journalism Chair Ivor Shapiro.

Shapiro, who is also the publisher of The Ryersonian, said the deal was struck Wednesday after the school agreed to The Eyeopener’s offer.

“We knew we’d have to play hardball with [The Eyeopener], and we did,” said Shapiro. “That’s how we got $17 and these nice  sunglasses from them.”

Peter Bakeogeorge, a Ryersonian instructor, said he didn’t expect such a good deal.

“Seventeen dollars is a lot of money when you think about it,” he said. “What’s more, I burn with envy for those sweet, sweet sunglasses, as well.”

Under the terms of the deal, Eyeopener editors will gain access to The Ryersonian’s newsroom, its cameras, computers and printers, although Eyeopener features editor Charles Vanegas said “we’re probably just going to use the bathroom.”

The Ryersonian had previously reported that Sun Media had bought them, but their unnamed sources were actually volunteers at The Eyeopener, planting false information so that the negotiations could take place without drawing any media attention.

“It was really easy,” said one Eyeopener volunteer, who wished to remain anonymous. “Will these guys print anything?”

Under the deal, former Ryersonian editors can contribute and even run for positions at The Eyeopener, editor-in-chief Mohamed Omar said.

“I was drunk when I said that.”

“Fuck!” he added.

But some students weren’t sure what the deal meant for the state of campus journalism.

“Wait, we have a campus newspaper? said Alanna Dwayne Patrick, a second-year arts and contemporary studies student. “That’s good. News is important.”

After the announcement, a wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man was seen running outside The Ryersonian newsroom.

“I’m free! I’m free!,” said the man, who later turned out to be Eyeopener mascot Sean W. Wetselaar.

The Ryersonian’s final issue will be on stands on April 8. The issue will feature a special “Voices” section, which will include pieces on small towns, friendship problems and, of course, revolving doors.

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