Toronto Metropolitan University's Independent Student Newspaper Since 1967

All Fun & Satire

Business can be FUN!

By Robert Mackenzie

Disembarking on investment opportunities can be a tough decision. Developing a line of credit through high-interest stocks in overseas markets can ensure your banking portfolio grows while divestments in mutual ventures continue to flourish. It’s always good to keep an eye on the DOW and the value of the loonie, in order to maximize the earning potential of your portfolio.

By this point most of you have stopped reading. My name is Albert Ronmiller. I am being held captive in the fun office and being forced to produce content for the fun section.

This week, the editor told me to “write something that makes me look smart.” He feeds me only one deli-meat sandwich, twice per day. (To his credit, he does switch up the types of sandwich. This week is hot salami and Havarti cheese). Please send help. I fear that I am beginning to develop Stockholm Syndrome, and that if I am held for much longer I will never leave.

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