By Writer at The Eyeopener
Debate rages in the halls of Ryerson over RSU’s “free food at The Edge” scheme for Health, Safety and Awareness week.
“I went to the Edge for this ‘food,’ and they gave me…this!” screamed Harrison Panama-Corkboard, a third-year Tonsillectomy and Drywall Arts student, waving a red box in the air. “This…is not food!”
The box, upon inspection, proved to be a package of Stuffers’ “Mean Cuisine—a “microwavable” meal.
“I actually think this might be on our hazardous materials list,” said Detlev Smiths Falls-Trench of Physical Plant operations, poking it with a pointy stick. “Perhaps they’ve found something to do with all those PCBs were storing in the toilet tanks—er, neutral-toxic containment units.”
Norton Bipbipbipfussmüller, a first-year Soccer Hooligan Adjustment Co-op student, is shocked and appalled. “I am shocked and appalled—O! KILL THE FUCKING REF!” he howled.
Upon calling Stuffers for comment, Eyeopener reporters received nothing but a looped message on immediate treatment for toxic shock. Edge manager Andre Chicago-Twins would do nothing but smile and tell us that Spin The Susan is playing The Edge this Wednesday night. Nobody present was nude, so no photos were taken.
RPU President Terry Grief was unavailable for comment.
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