Briefs and Groaners

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A roundup of some of the shadier — and just plain odd — things that happen around Ryerson’s downtown campus


On four different occasions, numerous pellet holes were found in doors and windows across campus. Police attended to update their investigation on similar incidents, which have clearly been caused by Call of Duty enthusiasts who have been kicked outside by their roommates who are actually getting laid.

On Feb. 22, security attended Kerr Hall East room 137 for a report of vandalism. A student discharged a fire extinguisher and got residue all over the computers and desk. The room was cleared due to the amount of residue in the area as a precautionary measure. This student clearly has a problem containing his residue on school grounds.

In the Image Arts building on Feb. 16, near room B21, a student reported her lock had been cut off her locker. The offender stole a pencil case with $800 cash and various art supplies. Oh, those crazy arts students and their crazy artsy drug money.

A student discovered her locker was broken into in Kerr Hall West after she returned to find her laptop and finance textbook was gone and her belongings had been rummaged through. The lock still remained secure, causing us to wonder what kind of crazy ninja ghost student we can blame for this witchcraft.

An intoxicated noncommunity member who claimed he was looking for a U.S. senator was escorted out of the library by security on Friday, Feb 24. Maybe he was looking for Ryerson Senate nominees, but we understand why he got confused as no one knows who the hell they are.

Security rushed over to the quad on Sunday, Feb. 26, in response to reports of fireworks being set off. When they got there, they found a student group shooting fireworks at each other and attempting to block them with a Captain America shield as part of a test to become frosh leaders. NERD S ASSEM BLE!

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