Tits & Boners

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The news team brings you a special sexy edition of our weekly roundup of crime around Ryerson

On Jan. 31, an individual was reported loitering and causing a disturbance near the planters between 99 and 87 Gerrard St. He was observed on closed-circuit television throwing food containers at parked vehicles and when officers arrived was aggressively panhandling and yelling at passersby.Officers convinced him to leave and he was lastseen heading towards Hooker Harvey’s, because the crazies need love too.

There was a trash fire outsideof the 87 Gerrard St.entrance on Feb. 1. Officersput out the fire with an extinguisher.The cigarette buttsmouldering inside wasbelieved to be the cause,but we’d rather blame it onthe sparks between thoselonely Sally Horsfall students.

A previous culprit read the security watch about himself,came clean and was arrestedby Toronto Police on Feb. 2.The man had attached a syringe with saran wrap to the door handle of the card reader entrance of 99 Gerrard St. eith the tip bent at an angle. Since no one was injured, we’re willing to assume that the syringe contained love potion. Or anaphrodisiac.

Officers were called to 177 Mutual St. on Feb 5. to an unsuccessful trash fire. Theindividual, who was tryingto light things up witha newspaper and lighter,was gone when officersarrived. We speculate thathe might have been moresuccessful if he had insteadused his desire. (Danger!Danger! High Voltage!)

In the past week, there have been reports of many Apple thefts. Three iPhone4s, an iPad 2 and a Macbookwere all taken from less-than-careful students.It is unconfirmed, but assumed,that the bandits were feeling deprived and were hoping they could convince Siri to talk dirty to them.

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