Illustration: Skyler Ash

Lindsay’s Advice: Valentine’s Day

In Fun & SatireLeave a Comment

Reading Time: 2 minutes

By Lindsay Christopher

Love is in the air this week because of Valentine’s Day. And if you’re one of the sad, lonely people who doesn’t have a date tonight, I have plenty of tips to help you win your crush’s heart.

If they have social media, you should add them, follow them or send a friend request. Once you’re following them, start to like and comment on everything they post; this will let them know you’re interested.

If they post a picture of their butt, comment the peach emoji; if you think they look hot, comment multiple fire emojis (multiple rocket emojis will also work in this case). If you want to use words instead of emoji’s a simple “BAE”, or “HMU SHAWTY” usually does the job.

Following your crush on social media also lets you look at what they’re doing, or what they’ve done. The further back you go, the better! Ask them how their vacation was when they were 10 years old; it’ll bring back good memories, and let them know that you took the time to do your research before meeting them.

If they play sports, find out their schedule and show up to all their games and practices. If you really want them to like you, make signs and start cheers with their name in them. That way they know when you date that you’ll always be there to cheer them on.

If your crush is on someone you work with, you can ask them to help you in the backroom and use that time to get a little steamy. Or, ask them to grab a coffee with you on lunch; this is an easy way to ask them out without them knowing it’s a date.

After you create some sort of relationship with them, be it online, as a supporter of their team or as more-than-just co-workers, you’re ready to ask them out. I’m sure they’ll say yes. However, if they don’t, you have thee options:

  1. Play it off as a joke. This way you’re off the hook AND they’ll think you’re funny
  2. Tell them you love them. Hopefully they’re a hopeless romantic who believes in love at first sight.
  3. Punch the closest object to you (that isn’t a person). This way you look tough.

If they don’t like you, there’s probably have something wrong with you and you should consider changing the way you act to become more appealing. You don’t want to have to spend next Valentine’s Day alone too.

Leave a Comment