By Ian Yamamoto
TORONTO – Defying accepted social behaviour, local moron Lucas Templeton walked on the left side of the sidewalk, seemingly unaware of his disruption of foot traffic.
When questioned, the inconsiderate dumb-dumb said that he was not newly immigrated and that he considered himself an intelligent, rational person. Templeton also said he had a driver’s license and a spotless record.
Despite all this, the brain-dead asshat had not made the connection between driving on the right side of the road and walking on the right side of a path.
“I was carrying groceries while walking on the right side of the sidewalk, as common sense dictates,” said affected party Amy Soo.“Then I see this nincompoop walking towards me on the left side of the sidewalk, which from my point of view is the right side. Him being on my right side is so wrong. You should always walk on the right side. Always. Unless you’re passing someone. If this is confusing, you are an oaf who should be sterilized.”
Continuing on with the encounter, Soo said, “The dingus never course-corrected. He had plenty of room and time but he just kept walking at me. I had to shift off the sidewalk onto dirt just so we wouldn’t collide. But what bothered me the most is that just before I moved, I glanced at him, and I saw the most assured look on his face that I’ve ever seen in my life. Like he was 100 per cent confident that he was in the right.”
Unavailable for further comment, Templeton was last seen racing down the left side of a stairwell.