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Briefs & Groaners: How to hack paper

The News Team
A roundup of some of the shadier — and just plain odd — things that happen around Ryerson’s downtown campus:

Don’t cry because it’s over, vomit because it happened


Security found a trespasser vomiting into a water fountain on the first floor of Kerr Hall West. They were yelling at people while they did it. We don’t want to know the specifics of how they managed to achieve both at the same time, but we’re glad to know it’s possible. Also, please don’t drink out of the Kerr Hall West drinking fountains, please. We warned you. 

The future of hacking is links printed on paper


Ryerson security received reports of a poster in the Rogers Communications Centre that advertised free tuition and a free flight to Germany, with a web link that redirected to a computer virus. On paper. Fucking paper. Didn’t we learn anything from the months of fake security emails from our computing department?

xXKu$hm@$t3rXx seen ripping bong on campus


A local edge-lord who’s probably a triple prestige in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, was caught ripping a fat-daddy bong in the cafeteria of the Victoria Building. As security escorted them out, we imagine they slapped the fattest dab you ever saw.  Weed will be legal soon, our dank avenger, but not smoking inside.

Super Smash Bros. 5 IRL Edition premieres at Pitman


Security responded to a fight between about 20 people in the Pitman Hall courtyard. The group dispersed. Yes. Twenty gosh-darned scoundrels were brawling on campus. It was probably a really cool fight with shoryukens and hadoukens, maybe even a final smash. Kind of makes you sad that security broke it up, doesn’t it? Imagine the finishing moves… 

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