Photo: Alanna Rizza

Interns scramble to write fun article in time for print

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Reading Time: 2 minutes

By The Interns of The Jar

It’s not easy to write a fun story, especially if you don’t know what to write. For a while at The Jaropener, the interns were given all the information they needed to write a story, making everything a little easier.

On an uneventful Thursday afternoon, the interns of The Jaropener were approached by their lord and saviour Cathaniel Nouch, who demanded an “intense and exciting article” to be done by the next Monday.

What the interns hadn’t prepared for was the long and stressful process of coming up with an idea to write on. As they begun the project, they instantly walked into a writer’s block. You’d think one of them would have seen it.  

“We’re screwed,” said Gabby Anderson. “It’s a typical expectation-versus-reality situation.” Both interns had written plenty of stories for the Fun & Satire section prior to this crisis, however, they had always had a clear idea of what they would be basing their articles on. 

They then came up with a battle plan: endless brainstorming until an idea just dumb enough to be believable emerged. Anderson was seen crying into her hands at one point. The two spent the entirety of Friday afternoon struggling with this task.

Consumed with the need to write something funny with just the right amount of wit, Olano began stress-biting her nails. “I think I found a whole nail on the table while we were writing this,” said Anderson. “It might still be there actually.” 

Anderson, too, had gone through a mental breakdown during the process. When she finally had enough, she began dancing on the table in complete silence.

Pete Rash, a sports editor at The Jar, said, “Anderson has some sick dance moves! She did the friggin’ worm, bro. She almost kicked my laptop though. That’s not cool, bro.”

As it happened, Olano was outside looking for a local cannabis plug in hopes to get something that could help Anderson chill out. 

Unfortunately, it backfired, causing Anderson to do crazier things. Suddenly, she decided to get a haircut in the middle of campus by some random guy who was walking around with a pair of scissors, who charged her $120. 

On the verge of giving up, Olano and Anderson realized that the story concept they were searching for had been right in front them the entire time. 

The interns decided to write the story about their writer’s block, which is what you are reading right now. Somewhere in the world, someone just played “Dun Dun Dun” on the piano as you read that.

“To be honest, I didn’t think they could actually do it,” said Nouch. “I just wanted to watch them suffer. There’s no doubt that they did.” 

Olano and Anderson successfully finished the story in time and began to treat the third-degree burns they got on their hands from speed typing. Nouch rewarded the interns with a high five and nothing more, like the true manager he is. 

“Screw you, Cathaniel. I deserve a damn medal for this. This article is the result of my blood, sweat and tears,” said Olano. “Wait, please don’t put this in the article, Gabrielle. He’ll kill me.” 

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