Students hold funeral for life on campus

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By Alexandra Holyk

With the Student Choice Initiative (SCI) being implemented by the Ontario government this upcoming fall semester, activities and student spaces will take a big hit, and Ryerson campus life will never be the same.

Students have started to mourn that which was and never will be again. The funeral services were held on April 1st at the Rogers Communication Centre (RCC), where all things go to die. 

The organizer of the event, Glen Wazowski, had high hopes for the turnout of students. “Students need to have an event all of them talk about and only 10 per cent will really come out.”  

Wazowski’s expectations regarding student attendance were blown out of the water with a whopping 11 per cent, one per cent more than LitFest, which is much more than she originally anticipated. This was a significantly larger turnout than the RSU’s town hall this past month.

The funeral had a BYOC policy—Bring Your Own Casket. The student groups pulled out the stops before rigor groupus sets in and their bodies are all gross. The RSU covered their casket with credit card records. The CJRU had music blaring from the stereos embedded in their death box; “Hooked On a Feeling” by Blue Swede played on repeat, of course.

The Eyeopener came without a casket in hand. They claimed it was because they are not dead yet, however, they are on life support. Leading the previous and incoming masthead was none other than next year’s Editor-in-Chief, Sarah Krichel. “This year was a shit show,” she said, followed by a long pause for effect. “Season two comes out Fall 2019.”

Students were seen mourning the deceased in their own unique ways. Some were crying, some were laughing, some were hysterically doing a mixture of both. There were also a number of students at Starbucks, the same location they retreated to during the walkout. “When the opportunity to leave class arises, we take it,” self-acclaimed Starbucks Student Society president, Nathon Brajedly, said while sipping his tall non-fat wet cappuccino with foam.

The mixed reactions were a result of the stress exams are bringing. Without tutorials, labs or lectures to stress them out students don’t know what to do with themselves.

Third-year journalism student, Meenar Izzola, told The Eyeopener that she has felt very overwhelmed lately with the stress of the semester. “You know, [life] has just really been a lot,” she said while putting on sunglasses despite being indoors. 

Former RSU president Maklane deWever was encouraging students to maintain a hopeful outlook. “After the crazy year we’ve had, we’ve got a whole four months to relax, reenergize, refresh and re-get our shit together.” 

There will be a candlelight vigil held for the semester and all Ryerson students are expected to attend. It will take place after finals are over, but before students figure out the fifth way to tweet about their summer job.

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