By Sierra Finkelshtain, Zarmminaa Rehman
Rest in peace Eggy lovers, because there is a new name and mascot on the horizon for Toronto Metropolitan University (TMU). On the plus side, both choices are extremely unpopular and utterly confusing for the majority of the student body.
Is the mascot a font—The Bold—or is it a bird—the falcon? Both? A bold falcon? No one is really sure but our contribution to this new dilemma is underlining what could have been instead.
To first years who wanted an authentic greeting with a headbutt from an enigmatic ram at frosh and the remainder of the student body who just yearn to no longer be laughed at by competing universities: let us comfort you with five beautiful but also terrible alternate mascot options.
TMU Trash Pandas, also known as Raccoon Residents
Raccoons are known as spunky lil’ creatures that could definitely be your pet if you domesticated them. Incorporating our animal neighbours reflects the metropolis of Toronto more than any other name potentially could. The “trash” in Trash Pandas is a reflection of the amount of trash and weird smells that dominate a section of campus, courtesy of the Gould Street dumpsters.
The TMUBits
Here’s a chance for TMU to have its own product placement with our version of Tim Hortons merchandise, showing our modern Canadian culture and devotion to mediocre coffee! By devotion, we mean the alternative to when you’re hungover or late and can’t go to the campus Starbucks. You would definitely miss your next class—and really any class that day—if you decided to wait in a line that wraps up, down and around the building.
We believe that incorporating a Tim Hortons and TMU partnership would be extremely reflective of our campus culture, a student body that has a dash of caffeine addiction. It’s a smart move for business and might very well also encourage the Canadian coffee giant to do better.
The TMU Tires
Bear with us when we ask you to consider all the benefits of being the TMU Tires. Yes it may seem stupid, but as a theme song we could borrow the lyrics “They see me rollin, they hating” of the Chamillionaire song “Ridin.” Once we get that as our song (we’re sure TMU can afford the royalties), the hype of our sports will be an all-day-everyday event. We’ll also never get tired.
Toronto Metropolitan Station
Most TMU students spend at least 73.98 per cent of their time on subways. This is actually not a real statistic but TMU isn’t actually a subway station, so anything goes. Not many people can put up with constant closures and delays or adapt easily when bus drivers drive past whilst making eye contact. But TMU students are of course built different, which makes us all the more deserving to be named as a station on the 2017 North American top-rated transit system. We’ll have all the opposing teams taking shuttle buses with a knockout name like this!
TMU Tops
Our final choice shows a lack of effort and enthusiasm, on the part of us at The Eye. What can we say, we’re just following in the school’s footsteps. Granted, The Bold is a moderately cool name but does it convey the same emotion as letting everyone know that TMU students will always come out on TOP? And that we can TOP everyone (in more ways than one *wink, wink, nudge*)?
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