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All Fun & Satire

How to prepare for your first 8 a.m. class of the semester

By Joshua Chang

So, you’re fortunate enough to have been selected for the dreaded 8 a.m. You’ve already gone on MyServiceHub to try and find another time slot, but unfortunately, it’s the only one left. From program credits to core electives, your class has inexplicably fallen under the most dreaded time slot for many. 

However, don’t be discouraged! There’s no need to fear, young student! Wipe those tears away and set all eight of your alarms. Here are five tips and tricks to help you survive your first 8 a.m. class this upcoming fall semester. 

Embrace the inevitable end of the summer…hard

Make sure you give the end of the summer the treatment it deserves. It’s already time to say goodbye to a season of late nights, whether it be living it up in a club or going on a reality television marathon (or both). Soon, those late nights will turn into harrowing early morning. 

Make the most of that final night before class to get all that summer fun out of your system so you’re well-prepared to loiter, I mean learn, as soon as your classes begin! 

That’s right, invite your friends, turn up some music and whip out some refreshments. Party hard and bask in the fading light of summer’s sweet freedom. 

It’s especially important to do this the day before your class so the festivities can run for as long as possible. Furthermore, it’ll ensure a long, deep sleep that will energize you the next morning! Just be sure not to stay up too late! 

Do NOT read your class syllabus

There’s nothing more draining than thinking about school during the last few days of summer vacation. Skip out on reading any school material until the early morning of that 8 a.m. class! Your professor will likely post some course introductions online a few days before your first class, but why bother going over it? It’s not like they’re going to forget about it on the first day. 

Learning everything for the first time in class will help to keep you awake and alert amid morning drowsiness. Just make sure not to drift off during class…in your comfortable chair…arms folded in front of you. Cozy, so cozy. 

Hit the snooze button

There’s no questioning that you’re going to need as much beauty sleep as possible the night before the big day. You might have the sense to set a few alarms so you don’t wake up late for your first 8 a.m. When your alarm begins to ring, do what we all do and silence it. Once. Twice. Three times. 

When the first few alarms wake you, you’ll remember that more sleep equals more rest. Yes, that makes sense. Don’t worry, you’ll remember to actually get up when you turn off the last of your eight alarms. Or was it nine?

Pack lightly

It’s important not to weigh yourself down with all that unnecessary baggage right before your first 8 a.m. class. Not only will it tire out your old, aching back so early in the morning, you run the risk of misplacing and losing something. 

What if you leave your backpack on the subway? What if a sneaky, mischievous hand decides to reach into your bag and pluck out something valuable while you’re stumbling down the street, sleepy and senseless? The possibilities are endless. 

Leave all your clutter behind! That bulky old binder? No one uses paper anymore, anyway. A laptop charger? Not to worry, someone in class will probably have one. Your pencil case? Seriously, who takes notes on the first day? Leave it all behind. Fly and be free, little flightless bird. 

Skip out on breakfast

For those of you who actually eat breakfast every morning, don’t bother doing so on the morning of your 8 a.m. You have the absolute delight of having the earliest possible class or the semester, so it isn’t worth it to start your early day by eating away your post-summer grief. Besides, there’s plenty of time after class to spend money you don’t have on campus. It’s like a reward. 

Instead of using up time making breakfast or looking for something to eat, use those precious 15 minutes to do something worthwhile, like scrolling through your TikTok For You page. Or you know, go back to sleep. That works too.

You’re ready to go!

With these handy tips, you’re equipped and ready to walk out of that 8 a.m. class refreshed and prepared to begin your best school year yet! You’ll be used to rising at the crack of dawn once or twice a week in no time, I’m sure! 

Now shoulder your bag, put on a smile and keep your head held high as you get ready to do it all over again next week! And the next week. And the next week after that. You can do this!

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