By Notah BeeBeeElle
When I was 17, I wisely thought the best place to hide a condom was within the riveting pages of The Hunger Games. One day, my older sister picked up the book and discovered the secret in its pages —the golden condom wrapper. I can picture the realization spreading across her face as she put two and two together—her baby sister might’ve been getting her freak on.
She immediately started interrogating me about it and I knew I was fucked—like completely fucked.
I put on an Oscar-worthy performance as a defence. I didn’t need her to know I was having any sexual experiences yet. I mean, I don’t blame her. I am her little sister after all: the baby of the family and the princess of the castle.
But that purely embarrassing experience made me think, When did you actually learn about sex?
Well, you’d probably expect that I learned about it from my parents through the typical “birds and the bees” talk—which couldn’t be possible because I’m pretty sure my parents don’t even know I’ve kissed a boy. I learned from a good old reliable source—Wattpad.
At the age of nine, I was on that app day and night, ravaging any dark Harry Styles fanfiction I could possibly find. I thought it was art. I wanted to inhale every word. But, when I got to the sex scenes, I was mortified.
I was like a deer caught in headlights. What the fuck did I just read? screamed inside my developing young brain. I felt so uncomfortable about the words being used. I read words like ‘members’ and genuinely believed that’s how people talked about men’s private parts. That is until I had a sex education class when I was 13 and learned that everything I read in those cringy-ass fanfictions was a lie.
All I’m saying, dear younger me, is that I pray and ask you not to rely on Wattpad or Tumblr to educate yourself about sex. You don’t want to be hiding condoms in books or having awkward conversations with your sister. Also, please, for the love of God, don’t let yourself believe that ‘member’ is the right term for dick. God forbid you tell a man you want to give him head and refer to his dick as a “member.’ I promise he will ghost you. Not like that’s happened to me or anything…
Everyone in this generation knows what foreplay is, I mean it’s essentially the buildup of sex right? Unfortunately, I was not one of the lucky soldiers who knew what it was. One time I was getting intimate with a guy I really liked and I mean, I was down bad for him. Everything was smooth sailing, shit was getting hot and heavy between the two of us. Yet, all of a sudden, I felt his fingers reach in between my legs.
I was so confused because respectfully, what the fuck was happening? He looked at me confused because I jumped back while kicking him square in the chest. It wasn’t like I hated the guy, I liked him but my body reacted so fast before my mind processed anything. My clueless self was genuinely freaked out as my chest was heaving up and down due to the makeout session we just had. He looked at me pissed as fuck and was explaining that he was trying to ease us both before we got to the real action. That, my friend, is called foreplay.
I personally thought when you had sex you just got to it, just get it in, but clearly I was wrong. Now, I know that you gotta let shit marinate. I mean you can’t just marinate chicken and then cook it. You gotta let it soak in before getting to the finished product.
Another area I’ve since explored is high sex. Having sex while being high wasn’t something the younger me would’ve thought about. Anyone who knows me knows now I can handle weed and the only thing I feel is pure hunger. However, that wasn’t the case back when I first had high sex. When I was getting intimate with my ex, it felt very good, I mean probably because the weed was hitting me hard. But, the worst thing happened. I started yawning mid-way as my eyes were fluttering, fighting to stay open.
He then asked me, “If you’re getting bored, just say that.” I was so embarrassed, I went to the bathroom to spray water all over my cherry-red, heated face and gave myself a small pep talk. “Come on girl, get your shit together,” I said to myself as I stared at my red hazy eyes. As soon as I returned, he was dressed and wanted to chill and watch a movie. If I knew that’s how my first time having high sex was going to be, I would’ve avoided it. Now I know how my body reacts to weed so I’m better prepared when it comes to sexual intercourse while being high.
Well, at least now I have a much more reasonable idea of what sex is as a whole. Consider this my promise to myself that I will have that talk with my future kids about all the taboos of sex so they don’t resort to things like hiding condoms in books or relying on Wattpad for sex-ed.