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Cartoon of a falcon in a boxing match with a ram laid over a boxing ring scene
All Fun & Satire

When the heart can’t get what it wants

By Zarmminaa Rehman

Read the previous chapter in the Eggy fanfiction for a “ram”inder here.

CHAPTER 1: Ruffling some feathers

This was the dream, wasn’t it? To be fought over between two prominent mascots in a local university café? Surely years of secretly reading romance novels under a blanket with a flashlight when you should’ve been asleep have prepared you for this encounter. Yet, your mind blanks at how you could possibly proceed.

You feel your stomach churn as you watch your past and present meet, clashing in a heated battle to win your affection. If this is what a love triangle feels like, maybe you’re better off alone.

“Y/N, is this thing bothering you?” demands Frankie, as you remain nestled within your beloved’s protective feathered arms.

Scoffing, Eggy starts to feel the synthetic fur on their arms rise, a glare settling internally as the head of the mascot could only show so much.

THING? Who do you think you’re calling ‘thing’ buddy,” replies Eggy, fists curled at their side. “Y/N, is this seriously the only mascot you could find as my replacement? Come on, I thought you were better than this.”

Eggy’s words immediately jumble your thoughts. How dare they accuse you of such low standards. If anything, Frankie was an upgrade. He was someone who understood you and never ghosted you when you were at your most vulnerable state—that two-horned smug jerk.

“How da—” your sentence halts as Frankie’s wing drops from your side and you watch them step directly in front of you, a barrier to Eggy’s towering frame (though no less daunting in their own height). 

Time halts. Forgotten is the shriek of the barista calling for the patron needing a low-fat, no milk, sugarless latte with a hazelnut shot among the scrape of students moving their chairs to sit down and escape the harshness of the outdoors.

The icy glares shared between Eggy and Frankie are enough to shoot a chill down your spine.

“Listen up, Eggy. Your time is done—in this city and most of all, in Y/N’s life,” declares Frankie, moving closer to Eggy until only a foot of distance remains between their chests. 

“Why don’t you,”  Frankie shoves Eggy’s shoulder. “—find a wall and go. Head. Butt. It,” taunts Frankie, emphasizing each word with a poke to their chest.

You watch Eggy stare down at the spot on their chest where Frankie just clawed, slowly moving their substantially sized head up to meet Frankie’s eyes, then yours. An unreadable expression is painted on the ram’s sculpted face.

Your eyes dart between the two enraged animals, the tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. 

CHAPTER 2: Fight a ram, you get the horns

You try again to diffuse the situation.

“Eggy p-please, just leave. There is nothing left to say between us and I’m very much content with Frankie,” you manage to stutter out. 

“Is there no longer anything left in your heart for this lovesick ram? Did you not sense the pull of our heartstrings just moments ago?” bleats Eggy, daring you to meet their eyes.

Sensing your discomfort at Eggy’s words, Frankie pushes you behind them and steps forward, giving Eggy a slight shove.

“Listen up, you horny sheep. Whatever you think was between the two of you is over, donezo, fin-ished. So why don’t you skedaddle on out of here like the disgraced mascot you are,” mocks Frankie, sizing up the now pissed-looking ram once again.

“SHEEP?! Put some respect on my name, lest you face the ram-ifications,” bellows Eggy. “And you know, that’s bold coming from a knock-off road runner.”

“You’re old news,” Frankie declares. “Better find somewhere else, cause neither Y/N nor I want to see it. Shoo!”

“That’s IT!”

A heavy punch from Eggy’s soft, fluffy hoof lands hard on Frankie’s animated beak, stunning the falcon and knocking them back a step.

Recovering quickly, Frankie shoves Eggy, causing the ram’s back to collide with the table behind them.

Fearing the worst, you desperately push yourself between the two, holding your arms out in a T-pose, your back to Eggy, and attempting to block any further retaliation between your impassioned lovers. 

“Frankie DON’T! This isn’t you, look at me,” you cry, guiding your winged guardian’s beak-dominated face to meet your gaze. “You’re better than this, my love.”

You hear Eggy scoff behind you, and before you can even think of dragging Frankie out of the café, they push around you and confront Eggy once more.

“Something funny, sheep? Or do you need a stronger knock into reality?”

“As if you could even manage, you’re just a weak little birdie. No one will take you seriously, Prankie,” taunts Eggy, holding out their arms as an open invitation.

“You’re finished, RAM!”

Frankie’s roar of threat startles Eggy, giving the club-winged creature an open opportunity to uppercut their opponent’s furry muzzle, knocking them a few pegs back to eat floor dust.

Eggy elbows Frankie in the abdominals as the latter roundhouse-kicks the stomach of the university’s retired mascot, tearing their jersey in the process. Eggy, now doubled over and clutching their gut, grants the fearsome feathered falcon an opportunity to kick Eggy over—Frankie wasn’t raised a coward.

Using this opportunity, the ram grips their opponent’s taloned feet and pulls, causing the winged creature to topple backwards, head over claws.

Using the side of the Balzac’s counter, Eggy stands up on their hooves and jumps, body-slamming themself onto the still-floored falcon. Now situated on their midsection, Eggy raises a fist to call in their sure victory. 

But, they stop as they notice you.

CHAPTER 3: It’s not you, it’s me

The world all around you moves in slow motion. The students, the cheers, everything is entirely removed except for you and only you.

Tears threaten to spill from your eyes as you cast your partner—now half-unconscious—on the floor with your ex, subduing their movements and crushing their upper half.

All of the adrenaline within your former lover ceases, and the onset of guilt begins to settle in the pit of their stomach. How could they ever hope to win you over if all they could focus on was the newly cherished mascot that had already won your heart and was now waiting for the wrath of the ram to deliver the final blow?

Eggy’s fist falls back to their side, and they begin to climb off Frankie. Too deflated to even consider elongating the fight, they know that all was already lost—you.

They offer a large hand to Frankie, who briefly hesitates but ultimately accepts. You rush to assist Eggy in helping Frankie up, offering your own body as a back support until they are on their feet.

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” confesses Eggy, their beaded eyes cast down and their large furry hoofs pressed together. “I won’t bother you anymore.”

As they begin to walk away, you call out to them.

“Eggy…WAIT,” you blurt, walking to where their cloven hooves have halted at your words.

They slowly turn, their defeated gaze focused on you. Their beady eyes are filled with anguish but more importantly—regret.

“It wasn’t just you, Eggy,” you insist. “There was just so much baggage from being with you and I don’t think I can deal with your lack of care anymore. I hope you find your happiness—without me.”

Eggy’s hoof lands on your outstretched hand—a peace offering—the best they could hope to be given in this circumstance.

After you shake Eggy’s outstretched limb and part ways, you rush back to Frankie’s side, inspecting them for any injuries. But your winged beloved just gathers you in a warm embrace. You could get used to this.

EPILOGUE: Saying goodbye

Outside, Eggy reminisces about your time together.

Thinking back to that sunny autumn day in September, Y/N walking through the crowd, backpack slinging on one shoulder and a duffle bag on the other, eyes filled with awe of the campus buzz surrounding them, Eggy whispers wistfully, “Oh how I long to go back to simpler times, before we met, before I lost—Y/N.”

“If I had only humbled my ego and swagger. If only I hadn’t let my failure affect me so hard. Why did I even toy with them? Why did it take me so long to realize that Y/N wasn’t just anybody? No one was like Y/N, and now Frankie has taken the last meaningful thing in my life.” 

The ram, keeping their voice low, says, “I should have done more, and maybe I wouldn’t feel so much pity for myself at this moment. I did this, so I have to own up to it.”

The brightness of the day dims to an orange glow as the sun begins to dwindle past the horizon. Eggy’s eyes fall upon the golden hues of sunlight painted on the buildings surrounding them, wistfully pondering what will come next, bigger than Y/N and bigger than their past.

“Goodbye Y/N. I will find my happiness, and I will make sure that I never impede on your love.”

Eggy walks toward Gould Street and into the sunset with confidence in their step, disappearing within the crowd of students embarking on a new chapter in their lives—Y/N and the university are now in good hands, and Eggy can finally move on.

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