By Vihaan Bhatnagar
Disclaimer: Despite what this article says, all TMU professors will unfortunately remain human beings for the foreseeable future.
Toronto Metropolitan University’s (TMU) Department of Languages, Literatures and Cultures (LLC) has hired the Duolingo mascot, Duo, as a new professor for the fall semester.
“Duo has a lot of experience in nagging and sending daily reminders, which are prized qualities in the teaching profession,” said Kim Levinsky, faux program administrator for the Department of LLC.
Duo possesses a master’s degree in education with a minor in language studies from the University of Birdingham. His education was paid for by Duolingo as part of the company’s corporate education program.
When asked how he felt about Duo’s hiring, second-year language and intercultural relations student John Lingo (no relation to the corporation) said, “I’m looking forward to it. An app is easy to ignore but you can’t uninstall your professor. I just hope he doesn’t hunt me down in class and ask why I stopped learning German.”
A Rate My Professors page for Duo went up minutes into his first class, with almost all the reviews lauding his expertise in linguistics as well as teaching style. Many reviews said he had a great sense of humour. The page currently has a 4.9 rating out of five.
“An app is easy to ignore, but you can’t uninstall your professor”
Despite the professor’s popularity, there have been several on-campus protests against Duo’s hiring. Several videos show TMU mascot Frankie the Falcon holding a sign saying “This is no place for Duo” and yelling, “Down with Duo” on Gould Street.
According to campus security, this was not the first time Frankie had harassed Duo. Security cameras show footage of Frankie perched on the windowsill of Duo’s office with a boombox and blasting Not Like Us by Kendrick Lamar for up to two hours.
Another complaint submitted by a student says that Frankie allegedly made hooting sounds during class and blamed the noise on the student when confronted.
“Duo has a lot of experience in nagging and sending daily reminders, which are prized qualities in the teaching profession”
Regarding the protests against his hiring, Duo claimed that the TMU Mascot had unsuccessfully kick-started the campus movement.
“The gentleman also showed up to my Tuesday class only to hurl insults and yell that my Spanish sucked. It was a French class,” he said. “I’ve alerted the university, but they won’t do anything because they don’t want to have to replace another mascot.”
In response to the allegations, Frankie said that these hazing tactics were to ensure his position as “beloved bird mascot” was secure.
“I’ve been here for two years. He’s been here for two days. Who do you think they’ll keep?” he said. “This town ain’t big enough for two birds and I’m gonna make sure he knows it.”
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