By Luis Ramirez-Liberato
Disclaimer: You must be a real BIRD BRAIN to think The Eyeopener’s got the pull to interview the real Frankie the Falcon.
I arranged to interview Frankie B. Bold in a diner called Three Coins in some podunk town. Frankie arrived 15 minutes late and blamed it on “air traffic.” His handshake gripped like a python and he seemed tired from the drive up here. We sat down. He drank his coffee black and ordered two steaks, six strips of bacon and a slice of cherry pie. It was 8:30 in the morning.
I am conscious of the fact that Frankie may have only accepted to do this interview to save face in the public eye. Last month, it was an altercation on the ice with Brock University’s Boomer the Badger. The month before that, he was on Instagram fighting with a pigeon in Alexandra Park. Some people think the pressure of the job is getting to the Bold mascot, while others might think he’s just not the bird for the job.
Frankie has decided to set the record straight and open himself up to the world. The bird behind the beak and the face of Toronto Metropolitan University sat down with The Eyeopener last week with one goal in mind: to let the world know that Frankie is tired but still giving this job his all.
The following responses have been translated from bird-speak and edited for length and clarity.
Q: Frankie, thank you for coming out to meet with me. Tell me, you’re a year into this job. What are you hoping the next five years will look like?
A: I just want to stay where I am right now. It’s a solid gig with good money, good pay and honest work. I’m adjusting to city life but the only plan I’m looking forward to is moving the family out downtown.
Q: And where do you currently call home?
A: London, Ont.
Q: Yikes… I’m so sorry.
A: I know. I’m ready for a change of scenery.
Q: A lot of readers know plenty about Frankie the mascot but very little about Frankie the family man. Tell us what life is like at home.
A: I have two beautiful bird babies and I get a lot of time to spend with them. I’m only needed in Toronto for sporting events and campus tomfoolery, so I can work around my wife’s busy schedule taking care of the kids.
Q: Your wife, I have it here in my notes that she’s part turkey. I’m interested in knowing if any stigmas exist in inter-avian relationships.
A: She’s Turkish, not a turkey.
Q: Oh…
A: That said, dating outside your species is hard but you do it out of necessity. There aren’t many nine-foot-tall birds walking around.
Q: On the topic of tall birds, is there much jealousy among the mascot community when a position like yours is filled?
A: I think there will always be jealous people. But in my circles, amongst the people I work alongside, we are all proud to see a colleague succeed.
Q: Does this pride extend to the University of British Columbia’s mascot, Thunderbird?
A: Man, I hate that guy.
Q: Although you are not an athlete, your job does have you very involved in the games you attend. These games can get pretty intense, and you often face insults from the opposing team, such as “bird brain,” “dodo” and “chicken.” How do these kinds of names affect you while trying to do the job?
A: It really hurts. And honestly, when it happens, it’s the worst part of my day—even my week. I’m part of these large social bird movements—migrations we sometimes call them in academia—that are working to educate the public on the harm this kind of rhetoric can have on members of our community.
Q: A large majority of that community here in Toronto are pigeons. Tell me, are you ever conscious of the proportion of pigeons to members of your falcon community?
A: Pigeons built this city. I have nothing but love for my pigeon brothers and sisters.
Q: Frankie, you graduated with a degree in acting. Is this where you expected your career to go?
A: Honestly, it’s not. It’s strange. I am so satisfied as a family man and a provider but when I think about everything I wanted to do, I realize how little I accomplished. I spend so many nights up alone waiting for my wife to come home. I find myself clocking in hours in front of the television screen buck naked aside for my bird undies. It really gets me thinking, is this the star I want to be? There’s only so many hours a man can spend optimizing the efficiency of his farm before he asks himself about the legacy he’s going to leave behind.
Q: Wow, really powerful stuff. There are many faces to Frankie B. Bold. I think we spend a lot of time asking ‘where is Frankie’ and not enough ‘how is Frankie.’ How are you, Frankie?
A: Not so great, but taking each day one long talon at a time.
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