BY LAYLA TEX | LATEX EXPERT

Following a recent rise in the cost of latex production, the price of balloons has inflated to new heights, soaring higher each day. 

Polly Ethylene, manufacturing supervisor at the Balloon Assembly & Latex Leisure Objects Operation Network (BALLOON) office, said the industry is trying to stay buoyant but must deal with the many factors that will inevitably determine whether or not their metaphorical “bubble” will “burst.”

“There are millions of people keeping our industry afloat that are counting on us for these balloons. Birthday clowns, young children, pedophiles, party planners, Macy’s executives, balloon animal makers, that one guy from My Strange
Addiction that is sexually attracted to balloons, hot air enthusiasts, people at rallies in charge of dropping things, you name it!” said Ethylene. 

Local senior Carl Fredricksen said he’s “ready to blow up” about the new prices on balloons. 

“I need hundreds more balloons for a very important project I’m working on and I can’t afford ’em,” he said while attaching hundreds of balloons to the top of his suburban home.

While balloons aren’t the only thing affected by the latex dilemma, Ethylene understands the balloons are the primary concern for the BALLOON. 

“The price of condoms has also gone up but nobody in the latex industry is having safe sex so it’s not really a priority for us,” said Ethylene.