By Raye Ning

Disclaimer: There was not actually an anti-umbrella protest but nowadays who
knows right?

Students, community advocates and anti-umbrella groups’ plan to gather at Queen’s Park on Tuesday to protest the use of umbrellas was delayed due to unforeseen rain. 

The protest was set to mark the one-year anniversary of the forming of the Defiant Rebels Embracing Natural Climate Hardships (DRENCH) group. 

Brett Wett, founder and co-president of DRENCH, said he believes the setback could have been avoided though he is unsure how. 

“It pisses me off because we could have had the protest if there was something that we could kind of hold up in the air that would stop the rain from getting all over us,” Wett said. “But not a fucking umbrella.” 

Wett started the anti-umbrella movement when his umbrella he had purchased from Dollarama for $3 broke in the wind while he was stranded in the middle of a torrential downpour.

“I powered through and showed those brella-using baby bitches that I ain’t no grandma in the park hiding from the sun, I’m a real fucking man and I reserve the right to protest umbrellas instead of going to work,” said Wett.  

In response to the protest, an anti ‘anti-umbrella’ protest was held with many in attendance advocating for the necessity of the covering. 

“I’m literally made out of sugar. I mean it gets to a point,” said the Gingerbread Man. 

“I kind of have a thing with water and I like CANNOT get wet, it’s this whole big thing and it’s like I don’t even want to talk about it but it’s such a thing,” said the Wicked Witch of the West. 

Others in attendance that were in favour of umbrellas included the two gay fish kids from Luca, Gizmo the Gremlin, several of the Mako Mermaids and the Sandman.