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WHOM??????? You begin walking down the sidewalk towards the Student Campus Centre (SCC). Wait a piping-hot-pizza-bagel second. Is that fucking RAM GANESH himself out in broad daylight!? You’re a naturally curious individual, so you approach him. What do you ask him first? Ask him about the missing student money Ask him if he knows where […]

Does anyone else hear the DragonBallZ intro music playing? Former Ryerson Students’ Union president Ram Ganesh disappeared off the face of the Earth after the alleged credit card scandal last year. You test the waters and ask him, “Ram, where IS the money from last year?”  He cackles. The ground begins to tremble and the […]

Why did he just get paler? You ask Ganesh if he knows where Lachemi is. It makes sense that he would know, considering he needs to hide from the man at all times. “You should check Kerr Hall,” says Ganesh. You thank him and get on your way. That was quick and transactional. Nice. And […]

One of the worst buildings on campus God this building just sucks. Before you stands the man, myth and legend Eggy the mascot. Elsewhere you see the spiralling halls of the building. Which one do you choose? Talk to Eggy Wander Kerr Hall

How can a building that’s a square be so complicated? If Lachemi was hiding somewhere it’d be in Ryerson’s equivalent of a sneaky maze hell: Kerr Hall. You look around with a strong sense of direction. Maybe he’s perched on the shiny basketball court in the Kerr Hall gym. Or doing lab experiments in Kerr […]

He looks so cute all the time, doesn’t he? The warm, felt eyes of the 9 feet tall campus mascot stare into every inch of your mortal presence. He makes a thumbs-up, the only symbol he ever makes. Suddenly the rest of the room grows warmer, as Eggy’s stitched fabric flesh melts away to show […]

What this building’s full name again? Lachemi will surely be at the SLC, you think to yourself—after all, he is hip with the kids. As you walk up the stairs of the SLC, you get a huge headrush from inhaling the secondhand smoke of 59 darts. You enter the SLC through the regular door along […]

Why does it smell like sweat all over? The sixth floor overwhelms you as you step off the elevator. In the back corner, an entire game of tackle football is happening, students are watching Netflix with no headphones on and somebody is doing a photoshoot by the window. You look for the gentle giant that […]

Books. Books. BOOKS. As you walk into the library you wonder why you never came here earlier to work on your essays. There’s like, tons of useful books and the staff are super nice. But there’s nothing here you can’t pirate online so you decide it’s definitely not worth your time. You wonder if you […]

That chittering noise is normal, don’t worry Surely, Lachemi would be hiding amongst the stacks of books and academia, waiting for you to deliver the sacred message. You scour each floor, but alas, nothing. Defeated, you retreat to the 10th floor—until you hear some chittering. Maybe Lachemi took his lunch break in privacy and is […]

They are more afraid of you than you are of them In this universe, it’s always RSU election season, which means it’s time to pretend to listen to people’s campaigns so you can have a dry waffle covered in discount maple syrup. Do you accept the off-brand Eggo? Decline waffle Accept waffle

It tastes good to fall for this, right? You bite into the waffle and a piece gets lodged in your trachea. You begin coughing violently, all the while the campaigner continues to make promises about engaging with student life and striving to make transit affordable or something. You kneel to the ground, your face turning […]