By RonniLyn Pustil
Last week, after much deliberation, I sought help with some personal problems from a counselor at Ryerson’s Centre for Student Development. Expecting an ear, some empathy and a little insight, I emerged from the hour-long session even more disturbed, not to mention angry.
I wanted to talk about feelings; he wanted to talk about actions. After about 20 minutes of trying to articulate how I was feeling and what brought me there, the counselor told me to list some of the things I would like to do but haven’t done because of problems with stress and time management.
Then he told me to choose the things I have on the list that I think I could do in the next two weeks. As someone who has been feeling paralyzed due to an overwhelming sense of indecision, lack of focus, and temporary bouts of anxiety, I did not expect this course of action in my first counseling session.
I reluctantly chose three things on my list that would be humanly possible to do in three weeks (unfortunately, making a film and getting a book published can’t realistically be done in that timespan). The counselor told me to do them.
He concluded that I was making a big deal out of nothing. That instead of thinking about why I am having trouble doing something, I should just do it. Did I need to waste an hour of my time to hear a professional counselor regurgitate the Nike slogan?
He told me, “I think you’re making a big federal case out of your life.” His words were like a slap in the face. That someone in the helping profession had the audacity to look me in the eye and say this, without knowing how vulnerable I may be, is distressing.
I don’t know about you, but judgement, condescension and belittlement don’t combine to make an empathic ear. Call me deluded, but I expected to encounter a warm and supportive atmosphere, not to have my experiences trivialized.
At the end of the session, after having shed some tears because I had shared my pain, and feeling humiliated for having sought help in the first place, he asked if I wanted to make another appointment in two or three weeks. He said I should try to accomplish some of the things on my list and report to him.
Just what I needed, some homework and more pressure in my life. As if journalism school, volunteering at two different organizations and trying to get published isn’t enough.
When I was leaving the office, he said that it had been interesting. I suppose it was a learning experience for me. However, his stinging words and way of handling the session could have really damaged me had I been in a worse frame of mind.
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