By Writer at The Eyeopener
Ryerson has hired four voice experts, several advertising firms and the public relations mogul Hill & Knowallton to deal with millions of complaints that Ryerson’s automated telephone answering machine is offensive.
Apparently, several people shot themselves and the parents of all the Ryersonian staff openly wept after dialing 979-5000 and listening to the recording (by someone known only as “the throat”) tell them, “We are unable to accept collect calls.”
“It’s despicable,” cried outgoing Tic-Tac-Toe professor Ron Kapuskasing-McTug. “My poor old mother called for me last week and was so put off by “the throat” that she won’t come out of her room. She just sits in there knitting sweaters. Someone must pay!”
But some say the message is a vast improvement from years gone by.
“Back before we were a university, the message was really rough,” said former RSU president Bobbi WaWa-Plane.
“They had a guy in a cockney accent say, ‘This is Ryerson. Piss off, eh? Why d’ya keep calling. Go away.’ Imagine how that went over! But it’s all we could afford.”
A telephone committee was struck by the board of governors. It will report its findings in 1998.
Ryerson President Terry Grief could not be reached for comment.
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