Woman Assaulted
A woman was assaulted early last Sunday morning on the south-east corner of Yonge and Dundas Streets. The victim was hailing a cab when a dark-red passenger van carrying five males pulled up to her. One male jumped out and grabbed at the victim. When the victim broke loose, the suspect spit into her face and the van took off. Police were immediately dispatched but couldn’t find the van.
CK-hell-N
Last Friday a CKLN staff member was confronted by a rude and obnoxious individual outside the station office in Jorgenson Hall. The male suspect left by the time security went to investigate.
Wild Thang (say like Tone Loc)
Spring came early for two Covenant House residents who decided to use Jorgenson Hall as a bedroom…a really big, tall, dismal bedroom. The couple were having sex when they were interrupted by Ryerson security last Monday evening. The deed took place in the north-west corner of the building’s stairwell. It is unknown if the interruption took place before or after…you know. The two were given trespass notices faster than you can say “blue balls.”
I Need a Life
Last Saturday, security discovered several posters in Jorgenson Hall that had been vandalized. Some I-need-a-lifer apparently drew sexually explicit images on posters around Room A 374. The posters were immediately torn down and an inflatable doll recommended for the suspect.
Freak Leak
Security discovered a small leak in East Kerr Hall last Thursday. The always-reliable physical plant was alerted and went into action mopping up the spill with grace and finesse envied by millions.
Bag O’ Crime Merchandise
Bag O’ Crime is going retail and you can be a part of it. T-shirts, sweat shirts and hats are now available and backpacks are arriving next month. Come down to the Ryerson Bag O’ Crime office and place an order for the phattest duds in Canada. Lawn trouble? Nothing gets stubborn crab grass like a Bag O’ Crime mower. Fries taste a little bland? Spice up your life with Bag O’ Crime gravy. Bag O’ Crime…it’s all out of the news print and in your face, G.
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