By Writer at The Eyeopener
Canada’s image as eco-vigilante defenders of turbot stocks has been grossly misinterpreted, according to a naval spokesman testifying in international court.
“We’ve discovered it’s just fun to shoot at things,” explained a high-ranking Canadian naval official.
“It’s even more fun when the sides are evenly matched,” he continued. “This is why the Canadian Navy is engaging in battle with Spain’s rusting, archaic effectively unarmed fishing fleet—they match our capabilities right down the line!”
Future naval battles will apparently involve skirmishes with the Glenview Heights Retirement Village, a colony of badgers living near FlinFlon and the Tory caucus. Raiding will begin as soon as the attack submarines have been portaged to the desired locations.
“We may not have the most sophisticated technology, but we’ve been developing skills in other areas,” opined Navy spokesthingy Lt. Crad High Park Jones. “We’ve perfected our evasion techniques to the extent that when U.S. ships pass unannounced through the Canadian Arctic, they don’t even know we’re around.
Meanwhile, a turbot has appointed itself spokesfish for the entire Grand Banks marine life community. “Just because we don’t have vocal chords or a language doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have a voice,” said Mr. Turbot.
“Er, then again, maybe it does,” it added while expiring from asphyxiation.
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