Sucks big, cool little

By Kelvin Chen

Sometimes less is more. The filmmakers who made Steal Big, Steal Little should have followed that good advice. 

Steal Big, Steal Little is the story of Ruben Martinez and Robby Martin, Mexican twins (Andy Garcia in a dual role) who are adopted by the wealthy Mona Rowland-Downey (Holland Taylor) and grow up to be totally different. Ruben is a kind-hearted man who cares nothing for money and cherishes his Latino heritage, but Robby is mean-spirited and greedy, wanting only wealth. After Mona dies, the two duke it out for their rich adopted ancestral estate. At least that’s what supposed to happen. The movie is actually a total mess from the get-go. It starts off with lame voice-over narration by Ruben that explains nothing and goes straight to hell from there. Instead of concentrating on the story between the twins, Steal Big, Steal Little veers off on a series of semi-related tangents. Ruben goes to Chicago to win back his wife, Laura (Rachel Ticotin). Lou, Laura’s boss, follows them back to Santa Barbara to escape a loan shark.

And don’t forget the requisite twin flick change-of-place sequence. In the end, Ruben, who despises his brother, changes his mind and rescues him from death in an utterly boring climax. 

A lot happens in this movie, but nothing of consequence. Steal Big, Steal Little has parties and dancing. It has courtroom drama. It has fast cars, polo playing and hot-air balloons. It even has cross-dressing. But, it has no emotion or depth. In fact, Steal Big, Steal Little will fail to stir even the faintest trace of feeling.

The problem with this movie is that it tries to do too much in too little time, and at two-and-a-quarter hours, it still leaves you wanting. It tries to be a comedy but it isn’t funny. It tried to be a drama but there is no emotion. it tries to be an epic tale of two brothers’ rise from poverty to wealth and the American Dream, but it is actually a convoluted, pointless mess and an irrelevant, meaningless, ultimately huge waste of time.