By Peter Zin
Like all student movements, it seems, our push to have all five “Eggy the Ram” heads reunited in the foyer of Oakham House has failed.
The all-powerful and all-knowing severed and mounted heads of our five former live mascot Rams are heading for a dim and obscure future in the cavern that ist he Ryerson archives.
So you may ask, what’s so special about these dead Ram heads?
Well, it has been said that when these five heads are mounted on the same wall, pride, spirit, and luck will grace the Ryerson sports scene. Perhaps resulting in a championship or two.
So where are these mystic Ram heads now?
“I thought that they were over at RyeSAC,” Oakham House manager Dale McNichol tells us.
“There are two [dead Ram heads] in archives, and three in the Games Room,” RyeSAC president David Steele said in an exclusive interview with The Eyeopener.
But our sad story does not end here, our dear student.
It seems the powers-that-be who run the Ryerson machine really don’t want our dead Ram heads reunited.
The only explanation is this totally unfounded and false claim: Our president, Dr. Claude Lajeunesse, wants to see Ryerson become so pathetic he’s forced to move the school to Tampa Bay, Florida.
If we can afford to get in, we have to push through congested escalators to get to class. Even if we get past these obstacles, the division of our beloved Ram heads will surely crush our Spirit and Pride.
We did all we could to stop rising tuition. God knows we’ve bitched enough about the escalators, but we still have our dead Ram heads, and president Steele understand this.
“I don’t know if it’ll help the sports… [but, the dead Ram heads] are symbolic of Ryerson’s history,” Steele says. Reunited the Ram heads is the first step. Unfortunately, the archives have the wrong aura. The archives are located within the Library — within the machine.
So give president Steele your support by e-mailing him at: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Put “Dead Rams” as your subject, and tell him how important it is to have the five Ram heads hang in Oakham.