Bag O’ Crime

In News /

By Eyeopener staff

LIBRARY RUB DOWN, PART 1

Last Thursday, a Ryerson student advised security she had fallen asleep in the library, and when she awoke she found a note that said, “Thanks for letting me rub your feet,” and a phone number. The student ripped up the note and threw it away. The student did not recall seeing anyone suspicious in the area. Ryerson security is investigating the incident.

LIBRARY RUN DOW, PART 2

Last Tuesday, two individuals were asked by security to leave the library. They were viewing pornographic material, and those weren’t feet they were rubbing. Yuck.

RUN, RUN AWAY!

Last Monday, security found a stranger running through West Kerr Hall. “Look at me! I am an alligator! I am going to eat you. Raaaaahhhh,” said the stranger. This silly alligator wannabe had previously been barred from the premises by security and was nicely warned not to return again.

LEAKY PIPES

Last Monday, Ryerson security received a report of a vehicle leaking some kind of smelling liquid in the Ryerson parking garage. That’s right, it was gas! When there’s leaky gas, people can get headaches, or if somebody smokes near leaky gas, they can cause a big fire. People can die from leaky gas. I hate when that happens. It’s not fair. It’s a waste of life. It’s just not right. Anyways, the fire department was called and took care of the problem. They fixed the leak real quick. No more leaks! No more problems, no more mess, thank you firemen, you’re the best!

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