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By Greg Hudson

Arts & Life Editor

Every week The Eyeopener gets a barrage of free swag from excited marketing people. In our recurring series, Best of the Crap We Get, The Eyeopener throws PR people a bone.

It’s an unenviable job, but if no one does it, so much work will go unnoticed. Like all the work done on Bran Van 3000’s new album, for instance. If we don’t write about it, you might never hear it, or about it. Which wouldn’t be a huge shame, as it turns out.

Remember Bran Van 3000? Reading the press release from Melanie Mingotaud (presumably) you get the impression the world hasn’t only heard of them, they have been hunkered in bunkers since 2001, waiting for their new album, Rosé, as if the band were a musical messiah.

And they are, kind of. If by messiah you mean something that works best as white noise that is barely discernible while you shop. They will be rich if only from the commercials their faceless music will underscore.

The press release calls this sound a result of “their desire to break all boundaries,” but I call it branding. Sure, they mix genres, blend electronic with reggae and smooth R&B, but they don’t necessarily come off as innovative. They sound like a mix tape.

But that could be said about any music. What can’t be said about any band is choice cuts like this: “In the last few years, Brand Van 3000 has been in full-blown bohemian/indie-artist mode.”

That is pure press release gold. It describes the band while saying absolutely nothing at all. Which is actually a pretty good metaphor for the band, actually. It’s so nice when marketing and music harmonize so nicely.

What’s ironic about the press release for Rosé is that it is dated October 2, but we just got it in last week. For a company that wanted to stress how exciting it is that BV3K is “finally back,” they sure took their time.

It’s almost as if the press release isn’t a bastion of sincerity.

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