No love for the wicked

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By Gin Sexsmith

Love and sex. Sex and love. These words go hand in hand. Take a look at any Cosmopolitan mag. But why? Using ‘love’ and ‘sex’ interchangeably can lead to a shit-ton of confusion, if you ask me.

Having sex with someone you love is the ideal. It’s what we’re taught to strive for — especially us women (fortunately or unfortunately, you can be your own judge of that), but let’s be real, sometimes that can be much easier said than done.

The thought that one will lead to the other can be crippling. It’s what keeps a lot of people in the cursed ‘friend zone,’ e.g. “She tells me she loves me all of the time, but I’m yet to see her boobs.”

On the other hand, landing on the other end of this undesirable spectrum leaves you fucking your brains out with someone who you hope will someday wake up and realize you’re the love of their life.

Not to be cynical, or to say that either one of these scenarios could never end with the wonderful combining of love and sex and lead to easy-going couch sex and take-out — but let’s not put all of our apples in one basket, kids.

It’s like the connotations involved with making love first bring to mind hopelessly vanilla, albeit romantic, sex. Eye contact: check. Not too fast: check. Gentle murmurs: check. Dim lighting (maybe even candles if you’re extra-in love): check. Missionary position: check. Hot stuff.

The second option, although much less tasteful, is the one you’ll probably be thinking about when you’re bored in class.

Limbs all over the place: check. Might get a noise complaint from your neighbours: check. Sweating more than when you’re in hot yoga: check. Might break the bathroom sink: check. Also, might sprain your wrist: check.

Obviously, you don’t need to be in love with your partner in option two. But, if you’re lacking love in option one, shit is going to get awkward and boring pretty much upon insertion.

So, this Valentine’s Day, whether you’re having a romp with your soul mate or scamming for a tasty hook-up with that rando at the bar, let’s not get it twisted. Sure, love and sex can be great together. But let’s not try to make love when we both know all we want to do is fuck.

Got a love and sex question for Gin? Send an email to communities@ to have Gin guide you through all your sexy, sexy dilemmas.

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