There is very little understanding in mainstream society over how two women interact with each other – both romantically and sexually. This begs the question, how does the all girls’ club get it on? Andrew Kalinchuk reports
Two women lying on a bed in a darkened room. Pillows surround them and a satin sheet drapes across their naked bodies.
Lit candles cover every available surface. The Indigo Girls play softly in the background. The women have their eyes closed. Their hands intertwine, pulling each other closer until their skin finally touches. Soft moans escape their parted lips. They orgasm simultaneously without any stimulation beyond a rhythmic thrusting of one vagina against another.
Sound familiar? The above image is what mainstream media and years of stereotyping have ingrained in the minds of those who may not have firsthand experience with sex acts between two women.
Irene Masters* is a Toronto student who might never be considered a stereotypical queer female. Irene approaches sex with women neither by lighting candles nor sending flowers, but by getting drunk and using obvious body language to communicate her desire to fuck.
“I look the way I look, a skinny, short-haired butchy bitch, and I feel the way I feel and when I want to bang a girl, I do it,” she said.
A memorable experience for Masters began with a girl at a bar. She and the woman drank together and flirtatiously touched throughout the evening. When the time was right, Masters’ offered to let her romantic interest crash at her place. They ended up chatting on her bed, which eventually led to Masters eating her partner out.
Masters said her sex drive is much more active than mainstream media would want you to believe of a sexually active female, especially one engaging in same-sex relations.
“If you have my libido, you don’t want to stop until the next day,” she said.
Unrealistic portrayals of gay sex in heterosexual porn cultivate a widely believed stereotype of “normal” ways gay women look, behave and interact.
Carlyle Jansen, sex educator and owner of the female-friendly Good for Her sex shop, understands the limitations and negative influence that most pornographic films possess. In response, she started the Feminist Porn Awards to recognize movies that, according to the website, “consider a female viewer from start to finish.”
“I think queer women have taken their power back and feminist porn has really helped with that,” said Jansen.
In Good for Her there are realistic, flesh-coloured dildos and vibrators along side stylized sex toys. They come in various sizes and can include a generous set of fake testicles.
There is no set rule regarding the way you must engage in sex to be considered a queer woman. Butt play, nipple clamps, strap-ons, oral sex, and anything else imaginable is fair game.
“Some women come in and are like, ‘This is my cock and this is what I want!’ and choose something more realistic, whereas others choose something more stylized,” said Jansen. “You can mix-andmatch and choose the size based on your need.”
But taking the time to discover one’s sexual preferences is just as much a journey for a queer woman as it is for anyone else.
When third-year early childhood education (ECE) student Hannah Montague* started sleeping with her first girlfriend, she wasn’t aware of the variety a female partner could bring to the table.
“I really just thought it was making out and any penetration with fingers,” says Montague. “I didn’t even consider all of the options you could bring to the bedroom.”
Montague feels that sex between two women is a lot more passionate than sex between a man and a woman, but that’s not to say there isn’t enough kink and variety to compete with straight couples.
While she says there is a lot of kissing, lesbian sex can include anything from mutual masturbation and fisting (which she’s never tried), to strap-ons and double ended dildos, which she says are a lot of work.
“You definitely rack up the calorie count,” she laughs. “But basically anything you can do in the straight bedroom, you can do with two girls. There’s a lot you can do with a strap on.”
Straight stereotypes don’t just plague queer women in the bedroom. Mainstream misinformation also invades female couples on the romantic front. Lesbians battle the same problems as gay men when it comes to the assumption of a more dominant partner, and Montague says these roles haven’t really existed in her relationships.
“If I was feeling more risky one night, I might be on top, or more dominant. And the next night I might be more submissive,” she says. “You can always push boundaries. You kind of have to.”
But when it comes to the most popular mainstream idea of lesbian sex — scissoring — Montague isn’t really a fan.
“It’s not awful, it’s just not the best thing to do. It can be difficult position wise. I know some friends who love to scissor, so it depends [on the person].”
She does feel that the position is a bit of a cliché.
“People think that’s all lesbians do. It’s not a turn on to me at all. It’s just limbs everywhere. I think it’s a very straight definition of what lesbian sex is.”
Mainstream ideas of lesbian sex are largely perpetuated by porn and Montague feels those films are ridiculous and unrealistic.
“Lesbian porn isn’t made for lesbians. It’s made for straight men,” she says.
Real lesbian sex is far more sensual according to Montague.
“Sex with a girl can last forever sometimes. Girls work harder to get each other off. There’s no faking. It’s a lot more give and take,” she says. “Just giving a woman pleasure is a huge turn on for me. I can’t imagine getting that same gratification sleeping with a man.” *Names have been changed