Rob Ford quits office, enrolls at Rye

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Joe Kelly

Special to the Eyeopener

Under immense pressure to become healthy and maintain an active lifestyle, Rob Ford has opted to leave his post as mayor of Toronto and enroll at Ryerson University.

Members close to Rob Ford claim that this move will drastically improve Ford’s quality of life.

“The distance between university buildings and the fact that motorized vehicles are banned from part of the campus will allow me to get the physical exercise I require,” a beaming Ford said shortly after he announced to the media his new plans.

Reaction around campus was mixed. One student commented that “his professionalism and way of dealing with others in public settings will be an asset to Ryerson’s journalism program.”

An acting student, who wished to remain anonymous, said that she was worried that Ford would call the cops on Ryerson performances.

A source close to Sheldon Levy, President of Ryerson University, commented that the schools “label and business card requirements will be adequately filled by Ford’s mafia.”

Although Ford hasn’t publicly chosen a major yet, he has expressed interest in “figure skating within the Lake Devo complex”, “Chasing-reporters-iology”, and “throwing oranges at Eggy”, the mascot of Ryerson University.

Editors Note:  Eggy did not respond to interview requests before deadline, but some students say they found his mascot costume at Union Station.

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