Photo: Chelsea Pottage

Questions you start to ask yourself as you approach the “real world”

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By Victoria Shariati

I’m sorry to say this, but none of us are getting any younger. Gone are the days of your parents cooking your meals for you and booking your doctor’s appointments. Now that we’re approaching “the real world” — a world of bills and mediocre jobs — it’s time we address some important questions.

Will I find the job I want?

The answer is no. You will not find the job of your dreams, unless you are extremely well connected. It’s a tough world out there and a lot of us are in for a rude awakening. It’s a wonderful time to be alive, but a terrible time to be a university student.

What kind of bills will I be receiving?

Gas bills, electricity bills, phone bills, Visa bills… it seems like you’re being billed for simply being alive.

How do I prepare for my midlife crisis?

While you can never really know when ye olde midlife crisis will strike, you can take steps to ensure that you have the best damn one. Here’s a tip for you: create a savings account so you’ll be able to afford the new car you can’t drive and the divorce you’d be better off without.

What’s income tax?

Please, I barely make enough as it is. Don’t take it away from me.

How will I find a decent place to live?

Real Estate agents are expensive, Craigslist is overrun with creeps and the cost of living downtown is insane. How are you supposed to have enough money for this when you don’t even have a nice job?

Do I have to book my own dentist’s appointments?

Yes, unfortunately you do. It’ll be awkward at first, seeing as your parents have probably done it for you for the entirety of your life, but it must be done. Or, as an alternative, you could just never go to the dentist. Ever. You can’t have periodontitis if you never get checked, am I right?

Can I be trusted to be in possession of my passport, birth certificate, etc.?

You’re not a kid anymore. Your parents can’t keep all of your important documents in a secret safe spot in their closet. It’s your job now. It’s a lot of pressure, but welcome to the real world.

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