Illustration: Mike Thequan-Phung

Bunz ‘n’ gunz to take over SLC

In Fun & SatireLeave a Comment

Reading Time: 1 minute

By Emma Cosgrove

Lethal weapons and processed meat products are finally having a child together.

A combination Arby’s-slash-gun store will occupy the vacant street-level retail space in Ryerson’s new Student Learning Centre (SLC), according to Buck One-shot Wilson, founder of fun-guns.com.

“Meat and munitions, bud, what’s better?” One-shot Wilson said during an exclusive interview with The Eyeopener.

“I couldn’t think of a more killer combo, really, I couldn’t. My wife loves it, too,” One-shot Wilson said.

This is the first store location for fun-guns.com and will be called Gunz R Us.

“It’s a bit like a Walmart with a McDonald’s — except it’s a massive gun store with a built-in Arby’s so you can power up and then power shop for POWER WEAPONS!” One-shot Wilson roared in between bites of a meaty sandwich.

He said he also considered opening a massive Arby’s with a small built-in gun counter, but that idea was shot down.

“Guns are more important,” he said.

Ryerson President Sheldon Levy said he is uncontrollably excited by the deal, and will be first in line for the July 4 grand opening.

“What this campus needs is more calorie providers and more firearm distributors. That’s what Ryerson should be prioritizing. We’re taking cues from our friends down south,” Levy said. “They’re doing things right.”

The Eyeopener is unsure of who Levy was referring to at the time of the interview.

Leave a Comment