Photo: Sierra Bein

Sex tips for everyone, and they don’t suck

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By Bahoz Dara

Years ago, when I was a virgin in high school, my comrade and I would skip class to go to the stairs and read the latest issue of Cosmopolitan magazine. We would pretend to show a vague interest in their non-sex related pieces, only to quickly give up and flip to one of the infamous articles that would share all the wondrous tips and tricks to achieving “great sex”. Being the misguided, inexperienced, sexually suppressed-youth I was, I really couldn’t recognize how absurd, sexiest, and non-inclusive these guidelines were.  Despite this moderate setback their misinformation had caused in the progress of my sexuality, I currently do feel that I have a much stronger grasp on what aspects can truly improve most sexual experiences.

The first, and most important component is to be certain that you want to sleep with this person. As obvious as consent may seem to some, I still cannot stress it enough. There is the blatant yes or no to primarily keep in mind, but there is also much more to the concept of your consent and theirs. Consider what it is that makes you want to share this experience with each other, and verify that whatever the reason may be, it remains genuine. Don’t get me wrong, I am not by any means suggesting you have to love this person, you really don’t even have to know them all too well, just take the necessary precaution to confirm that you’re both doing this because you want to. Attempt to avoid societal pressures, rewards, or buddies waiting on you to lose your virginity, and just maintain the simple mutual desire to combine your bodies; this alone will relieve a mass amount of stress and tension, thus producing a better overall experience for those taking part.

To continue, if you want to improve your sex life you should also stop worrying about the tiniest flaws, or possible awkwardness future sex might acquire.  Cease the insecurities at once; being concerned about properties you cannot control while engaging in a very intimate act can do nothing but lessen the pleasure within the encounter. Don’t fret about sizing, blemishes, jiggles, noises, or the appearance of your genitals; just practice good hygiene and that pretty much suffices. Once you can focus more on the act itself as oppose to factors that divert your focus, your no pants dance will have a lot less skips in the beat.

As for a physical practice that can be incorporated that has a high chance of enhancing sex, you can listen to your partner’s needs. Don’t be a selfish being in the sac; sex is better when everyone there is thoroughly enjoying themselves. Communicate, ask them what they like, and take note of their sexual cues such as heavy breathing, and moaning. From my experience the more two people genuinely want to make each other feel sexually fulfilled, the finer the sex becomes.

Lastly, keep an open mind while still maintaining your comfort level.  There is no harm in listening to what acts, fetishes, or categories of sex your partner enjoys. Do not act in such a way to make them feel ashamed, and thus suppress their wants in the future. Allow them to express their desires and curiosities with you, establish that level of trust; truly think their requests over, but in no way should you feel pressured to take part in something that doesn’t agree with you. The trust alone will improve the sex with this specific partner, sleeping with someone you feel comfortable with significantly reduces any outside pressure. The thought process and conversation will also aid in in the development of your own sexual personality, in which you will form likes and dislikes, the testing of new waters can completely shine a light on aspects that you may not have ever imagined you would find arousing.

So let these few tips be the ones that you keep in mind. Despite Cosmo’s reputable status, refrain from shoving a popsicle in one of your orifices and work on the legitimate needs that correspond with intercourse.  Take the minimal amount of time to improve efforts of stress reduction, and broaden your horizons, you don’t need to listen to a magazine that is specifically for the “ideal” straight woman demographic, in order to rock the sheets. Fuck Cosmo.

Comments

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