New MacBook is clearly cool

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By Emma Cosgrove

Apple unveiled their latest product, the MacBook Clear, at a conference in California on Sunday.

The new laptop computer is Apple’s most inconspicuous yet, weighing in at 0.0 kg. It introduces the tech company’s fastest processing system to date at a speed that can’t be quantified by existing units of measurement.

“The MacBook Clear isn’t just a laptop. It’s an idea,” said Apple Inc. CEO Tim Cook at the unveiling.

“This table right here might look empty. In reality there is $2,460 worth of innovative technology on it. Pretty cool, huh?” Cook said in front of an audience of approximately 3,500. “It’s there, trust us.”

The Clear features advanced Cloud technology, consisting of tropospheric air particles embedded in the core of the product. The rest of the air is shipped in from various global innovation hubs such as Japan and Germany.

“We wanted to create a light-as-oxygen tool that transcends space and time,” Cook said.

“Our new product is all about trust. You need to believe that it’s there in front of you. Only when that trust is established will the product function optimally.”

Toronto resident Tory DiMateo waited in line for 84 hours before purchasing her Clear. She said she was initially disappointed by the appearance of the product. “I was expecting something a little more visual, but I’ll get used to it,” she said, cradling air.

Sources say Apple has big plans for next year’s model, MacBook Clear 2.0, hoping to invert oxygen particles to create technology that exists in negative space.

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