Photo: Emma Cosgrove

Tobey Maguire’s Spider-Man comeback

In Fun & Satire by Eyeopener StaffLeave a Comment

By Robert Mackenzie

It’s been almost eight years since Tobey Maguire flew around New York City shooting spider webs, and now he’s attempting a comeback.

Last month Sony and Marvel announced an agreement that would bring Spider-Man into the Marvel Cinematic Universe. This means that the movie franchise will be rebranded yet again, which means new actors and new characters.

After losing the role of Spider-Man in 2007, Maguire went through two years of intense meditation therapy and decided that he needed to go back to school.

Maguire is now in his fourth year of midwifery at Ryerson. After hearing about the new movie franchise he decided to get back on the horse and start training for the role. “I was born to play Spider-Man,” said Maguire. “I’m ready to take my character back from that butthole Andrew Garfield.”

Lately, Maguire has been taking to the streets of Toronto, where he dresses in his Spider-Man costume and goes by the name of Peter Parkour. “It’s not just about training for the role though,” said Maguire. “I’m here to fight whatever crime I see and protect Ryerson students.”

Just this past week Peter Parkour was stationed outside of the new SLC building that, according to Maguire, was under the threat of attack from the Green Goblin.

“He was standing there for like six straight hours, shouting at the building and trying to climb stuff. I think he’s legitimately crazy,” said a Ryerson student.

But Maguire thinks that Ryerson students aren’t aware of the protection that they need. “It’s easy to assume that a man in a costume shouting at a building is crazy, but nobody actually reads those Ryerson security incident emails we get. They don’t realize the danger they’re in.”

Although he’s working to regain the role of Spider-Man and protect the city, Maguire’s main focus is still his schoolwork. “I’m in my final year so I need to make sure I graduate,” he said. “Being Spider-Man is great but I know from experience that it’s always good to have a backup plan.”

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