PHOTO: SKYLER ASH

Feeling lost? We can help

In Fun & Satire /

By Skyler Ash

Thousands of new and returning students flocked to Ryerson this past week, all with a similar goal in mind: to get to class. It’s what we all paid for, after all (at least that’s what we tell our parents — the parties are just a small benefit of higher education).

On a sweaty September morning, I walked onto campus in search of Kerr Hall. I’ve gone to visit the school a couple of times and was here for frosh. I thought I had a decent handle on where I was going, but I could not have been more wrong.

Wandering around Kerr Hall South in search of Kerr Hall East, I thought about what I could do to make it easier to find my way around campus. The solution? I devised three ideas from my favorite childhood stories that any fellow Rams can use.

Navigational Tactic One: Thread. It seems fitting that one would use thread to find their way through the labyrinth that is Kerr Hall, just as Theseus used thread to find his way through the labyrinth in Greek mythology. You may not be trying to defeat a Minotaur to end human sacrifice, but hey, a person’s got to do what they’ve got to do to get to class. Greek mythology: it’s not just for fun, it’s for life.

Navigational Tactic Two: Bread crumbs. I’m not one to waste good bread, but if it helps me get from the SLC to the RCC, I’d gladly give up my last loaf. Although it might seem embarrassing to drop pieces of bread down the hall, it’s probably more embarrassing to walk into a full lecture hall and have to scramble to find a seat. If it worked for Hansel and Gretel, it can work for you, too!

Navigational Tactic Three: The Marauder’s Map. If you’ve ever read or watched Harry Potter, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. If you haven’t, stop reading this and take a good long look at the life choices you’ve made. For those of you who are well-informed, let’s continue. Whip out that map and look for people in your class or your professors around the building, and walk towards them. If you feel like you can’t use a large, age-stained map in public without running the risk of seeming dated — or even worse, hipster — then throw on your invisibility cloak and no one will even know you’re there.

With these three tips on how to find your way around Ryerson, you’ll never be lost! Just remember: thread, bread, and marauder’s map. You’re probably saying, ‘I could just ask another student,’ but you’d be wrong. I hear that other students tend to bite and hiss when approached by strangers, and they will shuffle away with their Tim Hortons if you get within two feet of them. Just take my advice, and you’ll be breezing through the halls with ease. Who said that all the stuff you read as a kid wouldn’t matter later in life?

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