Toronto Metropolitan University's Independent Student Newspaper Since 1967

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Funvertisement: The Keyhive! On Yonge.

By Thomas Panky

Hello Ryerson! I’m Thomas Panky, owner and operator of The Keyhive! On Yonge. But you can just call me Thomas!

I’d like to take this opportunity to introduce Ryerson to my new store, The Keyhive! On Yonge.

Buzz on in to The Keyhive! On Yonge to fill all of your key needs! We make keys, copy keys, cut keys and refurbish keys!

We sell every kind of key you could imagine! We sell house keys, car keys, key cards, patterned keys, padlock keys, key codes, secret keys, piano keys, sour keys, the Florida Keys, Chris Webber’s keys to the game, Keys to the VIP seasons 1-3 and more!

And if you buy $20 or more worth of keys, my aunt Jacqueline will give you the key to living a healthy life (it’s just carrots and sit ups)!

Stop making excuses! Come on in to The Keyhive! On Yonge and finish those errands!

Do you need to copy a key to give to your aunt Jacqueline while you go to Cuba so she can look after your pet hamster, even though you’re pretty sure that she just comes in and feeds it and doesn’t even spend time with it, but you don’t really have any other options because you’re going on vacation and it’s not like they’re going to let your pet hamster go through customs? We’ve got you covered!

We here at The Keyhive! On Yonge know that you’re a busy bee. That’s why we have our five-minutes-or-less guarantee!

If you come into the ‘hive and can’t find what you’re looking for in five-minutes-or-less, we’ll give you a free key! But we’re not going to tell you what it’s the key to, that’s our little secret!

So come on in to The Keyhive! On Yonge. Treat yourself to some keys and prove to my aunt Jacqueline that I’m a big-time businessman!

With files from Robert Mackenzie

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