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Funvertisement: Willhelm Tungsten

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By Willhelm Tungsten

My name is Willhelm Tungsten. You probably don’t know me, but I bet you know my father, Burkhart Tungsten, who is of course famous for discovering the element tungsten.

What was it like growing up with a famous father? Well, it certainly wasn’t easy. My actions were always closely followed by paparazzi and I was held to higher standards in science classes.

But it wasn’t all that bad. Living with the world’s foremost tungsten expert meant that the Tungsten family was always very well off. Really, more money than you could even imagine.

Unfortunately, my father passed away several years ago. Ever since then the fame has slowly faded. A few “investments” gone wrong and next thing you know the periodic table is threatening to kick you off and you have to sell Tungsten Manor just to meet your periodic payments.

So I’m here to remind you of how great tungsten is! It can go on jewellery, it can go in a showcase and it can even be welded into high-performance weaponry!

Remember the good ol’ days, when everybody was buying tungsten? Well, there’s no need to leave those days in the past. Let’s all get us some fresh tungsten and keep the good times rolling!

Listen, I’ve never worked a day in my life. I’ve never not had a fortune to my name. The Tungsten family is used to a certain lifestyle, and with your help we can keep it that way.

With files from Robert Mackenzie.

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