How to cope with exams

By Skyler Ash

It’s everybody’s favorite time of year: exams! What a joyous rush of stress, frustration, tears and sleepless nights… Ah, such fond memories! And what better way to celebrate exam season than with the traditional coping methods? Join me and thousands of other students as we learn how to lavish in the splendor of finals!

Cry. Cry regularly and often (every 20-30 minutes) to ensure that your eyes are properly lubricated to stare at your dull, drab textbook for another seven hours. Crying is a natural part of studying, and we shouldn’t feel the need to overcome it. Nor should we feel the need to grab a tissue – let your salty tears flow freely over your face so as to cleanse your stressed and oily skin.
Eat. Food is life, life is school and school is exams. Ergo, food is exams. Food will keep you fueled to keep studying. Cramming for calc? Cram your mouth full of pretzels. Stuffing yourself full of French verb tenses? Stuff yourself full of popcorn. Pick foods with lots of carbs, like a nice loaf of bread or a well-dressed potato. Eating also makes for a great study break, which you totally deserve every five minutes, at least.
Netflix. This is a very important component in the study cycle. Reward yourself with TV and movie breaks every 30 minutes. Just read a chapter on the Russian Revolution? Nice; go watch yourself some Downton Abbey! Finished making notes on best business practices? Way to go; you can catch a few episodes of House of Cards! After all, everyone knows that exam season is the best time to start watching a new TV series.
Sleep. Sleep when you want, where you want and for however long you want. Cuddle up with your notes and learn by osmosis, the preferred method of study for university students. Dream of finances, hospitality management, astrophysics and criminal law. Well, if you’re supposed to be dreaming of those things. If you want to be dreaming about other stuff, switch programs.
Acceptance. You might fail. You might pass. You might realize you’re in the wrong exam room because nobody in here looks like your classmates and wait, did they say room 118 or 181? Accept that exams are an unfair test of our learning and something that we’ll have to do while we’re in university but never have to do in the working world. Just deal with it, you chose to pursue higher education, you nerd.