Two hyperbolic images of men eating burritos
Photo: Devin Jones

Dance and sadness student misses burrito, hates roommate

In Fun /

By Skyler Ash

A Ryerson student is in a state of disarray after her roommate ate the burrito she left in her fridge.

Barbara Inger, a second-year interpretive dance and sadness student, said that she was in such a hurry to make it to her 8 a.m. class that she left her half-eaten bean and cheese burrito in her mini fridge.

“I was just trying to get to my class, theory of movement: a history of tears, because if you’re late, you have to perform that monologue from Sophie’s Choice in front of the whole class and I just didn’t have that kind of emotion ready that early,” said Inger.

It was during her lunch break that Inger noticed her burrito, Maurice, was missing. “I decided to call him Maurice because when I was ordering I asked if they could put more rice in and they said, ‘who’s Maurice?’ and so I just kind of rolled with it. Haha, rolled, like a burrito,” said Inger. “Man, I am on fire today with these jokes!”

Inger said she was unable to go home to get Maurice because she only had 30 minutes for lunch, and she lives a 15 minute subway ride away. “I just… I just hoped he was OK. I tucked him up nicely in the foil, so he was all snug, but I just didn’t want anything to happen to him,” said Inger.

Inger’s roommate, Jason Temple, said that he noticed the burrito last night when he got home from his run. “I saw this little silver thing with a face drawn on it, so I figured Barbara had just named her food again,” said Temple. Being hungry after his run, Temple ate the rest of the burrito. “It was a bit dry, to be honest. I felt a bit sick after.”

When Inger returned home from school that day, she went to the fridge looking for Maurice, but found him missing. “I was in shock,” said Inger. To help calm herself, she played ambient rain sounds on her phone while gazing longingly out the window, “thinking of Maurice.”

When Temple got home, the ugly truth came out. “She asked me if I ate her burrito, so I said yes,” said Temple. Upon hearing the news, Inger let out a shriek like a wet cat and fell onto the floor sobbing.

“It’s nothing new, she does this like once a week,” said Temple. “Same thing happened the other day when I accidentally took a sip of her juice.”

Inger has planned a wake in memory of Maurice. The event will be held outside the Burrito Boyz on 74 Dundas St. E., where Maurice was born. “The good things in life leave you too soon, and we have to cherish their memory,” said Inger. Wiping the tears from her eyes, Inger softly whispered “Maurice” into the cold afternoon air, and then took a nap.

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