Kerr Hall will be a hay bale maze this summer

In Fun & SatireLeave a Comment

Reading Time: 2 minutes

By Lyba Mansoor

Following months of deliberation, Ryerson University president Mohamed Lachemi announces Kerr Hall’s transformation into a hay bale maze for the summer season.

“The school’s Board of Directors and I were racking our brains trying to come up with a way to earn some extra money this year,” Lachemi said.

Lachemi and the board were considering putting various buildings on campus up for rent on Airbnb, but the idea of a hay bale maze made more sense to them.

“The Airbnb thing is not off the table, but for this summer a hay bale maze seemed like the way to go,” Lachemi said. “I want to put a rural twist into our very much urban school, I think it’ll attract tourists from all over. What’s more novel than a maze with hay, right?”

Unfortunately, students were less than thrilled upon hearing the announcement.

“I have severe hay fever and the custodians are already starting to renovate the place. Navigating Kerr Hall is hell enough without having my eyes swollen shut,” said Kobikah Chandran, a first-year computer science student.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea at all. A hay bale maze would attract a bunch of kids and there is no way they’d be able to find their way out,” said Nive Kumar, a first-year biomedical science student.

Custodians are expressing concern over the dangers the maze may pose as well.

“We’ve already started renovating Kerr Hall for the maze and the amount of human skeletons we’ve found is slightly alarming,” said one custodian who asked to remain nameless.

“They’re in almost every nook and cranny of the place, with schoolbags on and a grimace on their face. Cleaning up the skeletons after summer would just be way too much work,” she said.

Lachemi and the board declined to comment on the safety threat the maze could pose.

“It’s going to be great fun for the whole family! And of course there’s going to be a release waiver and assumption of risk to sign before heading in, to distance Ryerson from any disappearances that may occur,” Lachemi said.

Leave a Comment