By Emerald Bensadoun & Shakir Rimzy
The mythological Monetary Times building has been the stuff of mystery for some time. Some students claim it was designed to give students the false hope that Ryerson University would consider giving students access to something for free with the word “money” in it. Others say that it’s more of a museum, haunted by the ghosts of all of the students who never received their 6Fest refunds.
Most have never even heard of the elusive building, and probably couldn’t even tell you what it looks like. Nobody really knows, but after a year-long investigation, Ryerson campus security determined that the Monetary Times building is actually just a figment of your imagination.
On the north corner of Ryerson’s campus, east of Church and Gerrard streets rumour has it that a building exists. Tall and white marble, Venetian stucco pillars and everything. But the building, marked only on the campus map as a scribbled uppercase ‘M’ has no evidence of ever existing.
Abujou Nawar, head of campus security, said campus security began their investigation after cases of broke students claiming to see a Monetary Times building started surfacing at Ryerson last year, usually around the first day of each month.
You’ve heard the rumours. Just last week, campus security said they “thought” they’d received a call from the building to come help three students who claimed to get stuck in its elevator. Nawar said that at first they thought it was a prank call, but when they got to the building’s coordinates, all they found was a mysterious black void.
He told The Eye that him and his colleague thought about touching it, but were afraid of getting “sucked into the black hole and never returning.”
“Haven’t you guys ever seen Interstellar?” said Nawar, wide-eyed, staring wistfully into the distance. “Matthew McConaughey, like, NEVER gets home. He could still be in there.”
Ryerson Students’ Union (RSU) president Susanne Nyaga said the building’s unproven existence is part of a larger problem.
“It has also been brought to my attention that RSU executive members are pretending to get lost in the building, an excuse that I believe necessitates a conspiracy,” said Nyaga.
Being able to finally confirm that her fellow board members were just purposely skipping executive meetings instead of “getting lost,” Nyaga said, has given her the excuse she’s been waiting for all semester: to fire their lazy asses.
When The Eye asked older students if they’d ever heard of the Monetary Times, reporters were subject to hushed whispers about the charred remains of a bank with ATMs that didn’t charge students a transaction fee.
Nawar said their investigation really began to gain steam when they realized that there was no recorded history of what was on the inside. No mention of the building on any social media outlet. It wasn’t even googleable. Seriously, Google “the Monetary Times.” Click on “images.” Nothing will come up. We tried.
On Instagram, there is no record of any Monetary Times building, no group selfies taken with the location tagged, and no accidental live streams geotagged in that area.
Echoing the sentiment of many a Ryerson student, fourth-year architecture student Maggie Gould, who lives in a house near its reputed location, said “if it’s not on Instagram, it totally never happened.”
“I’ve seen Doctor Strange,” said Gould. “Who knows what sort of fucked up, dark dimension crap is preventing the building from being seen on social media?”
Gould, who plays with her Ouija board in her spare time, says that physically, there is evidence of something in its alleged location, even if it isn’t a building.
While the area surrounding the fabled Monetary Times building may not be channelling a strong social media presence, Gould says that she accidentally received the Monetary Times building’s mail once.
“There’s a tax account registered to that address,” Gould said. “Although, I guess even if it theoretically didn’t exist, the government would still find a way to tax it.”
In the meantime, Nawar said he’s advising students to “just not think about it too much.”
“I mean, I’m no expert or anything, but it’s probably just a mirage,” he said.
His advice for students who continue to “see” the building is to remember that it’s just an illusion, take a deep breath and yell extra loud into the void because “it echoes.”
Congratulations! If you’re reading this, you’ve made it to the end of this article. Full disclosure: none of what you just read is real. Satire is a noun that describes the use of humour, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues. Do the world a favour, share this story and try not to take the Fun and Satire section so seriously—we certainly don’t.
Gemma Nye
I’ve seen it. I’ve been there