File Photo

Briefs and Groaners: Always be ready for a golden shower

In Campus News, Fun & SatireLeave a Comment

Reading Time: 1 minute

Every week, The Eyeopener meets with Ryerson security and gets the low-down on what’s been happening on campus. Here are some notable, and often unfortunate, entries.

The grossest version of the Wet Bandits

via GIPHY

It was reported Sept. 20 in Ryerson’s library building that an individual was reportedly dripping urine onto a community member in a stall one over. Despite the non-consensual golden shower, the question remains: Did this nasty pee-cupping asshole wash their hands or just do the classic-rub-it-on-the-jeans move before exiting?  

Babe Ruth doesn’t have shit on Victoria Street local

via GIPHY

A call came into police on Sept. 19 of a man swinging his baseball bat all around Victoria Street. There were no damages reported but the bat was confiscated as it’s still considered a weapon due to its heavy use in the Walking Dead.

A mini-me, but Lachemi

via GIPHY

On Sept. 21, a disturbance was reported to security in Kerr Hall West. A known trespasser was claiming to be the president of the university. When it was discovered that he was not, in fact, Mohamed Lachemi, he was subsequently escorted from the building and campus. Through hours of research, The Eye confirmed that Lachemi did not appear at the scene to meet his doppelgänger.

Leave a Comment