Student writes after remembering they signed up for summer courses

By Joseph Casciaro

*Pauses for deep breath* 

My summer is ruined.

I was so freaking confident in my work ethic that I thought taking a break over summer was for the weaklings and students who are personal enemies of Lachemi. What in the world was going through my mind when I thought summer classes were a good decision? I was smart enough to get into university, but not smart enough to make a better decision. 

I should be getting drunk by 12 o’clock in the summer, not rushing to an 8 a.m. lecture. I should be thinking about which party to hit up first, not which assignment to start first. I have been holding back from ripping my hair out since September, but I won’t be able to constrain myself from ripping every single strand of hair off my head in July. At least I will still get to use my beer funnel, but disappointingly it will be to funnel espresso down my throat to keep myself awake as I work all night long.