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All Fun & Satire

The rise and fall of “Peepeepoopoo Man”

By Larry Heng

On Tuesday evening, Toronto police arrested and charged a man after recent attacks using buckets of feces, putting an end to a very specific string of crimes.

Samuel Opoku, 23, dubbed the “Peepeepoopoo Man” by exhausted students with no brain capacity left to think of anything better, was charged with five counts of assault with a weapon and five counts of mischief interfere with property.

The man made his rounds at York University and the University of Toronto (U of T) over this past weekend.

Prior to his arrest, his most recent attack was late Monday night near College Street and University Avenue. His expected arrival at Ryerson would have completed the unsettling trifecta of targeting university campuses in Toronto.

With a blue hoodie, a highlighter yellow construction hat and a beaming smile, the attacks seemed too humorously dark to be real.

His journey will live as one of the strangest ‘what if’ stories in Ryerson history. Until his arrest, students waited anxiously for a potential attack on our campus. While his reign was short, it was terrifyingly effective, and something that students will likely never forget.

Here’s a timeline of the disturbing attacks.

Nov. 22

The events began last Friday at U of T when a man lugged a bucket of liquid shit inside the John P. Robarts Research Library, pouring the contents on two unsuspecting students. Maybe it was supposed to be shock-inducing performance art about just how shitty school can be.

Nov. 24

In a sequel very similar to its predecessor, the second attack took place at the Scott Library at York University’s Keele campus. Yet again, students who are literally just trying to get to the end of the semester can’t do so in peace.

Nov. 25

The third and final act took place near College and McCaul streets, where a man dumped another bucket of liquid fecal matter on someone in the late hours of the night. The location of this attack is near Ryerson campus. Could this be where he was headed?

Nov. 26

Opoku was taken in by police on Tuesday night in connection to the attacks. Hopefully, this brings an end to the horrifyingly gross incidents reigning over the city. He was scheduled to appear in court Wednesday.

29 Comments

  1. kwok pun chan

    DMZ : Demilitarized Zone

  2. BFS

    “Fun and Satire” for whom, exactly?

  3. uwu man

    b-b-b-but peepeepoopoo wouldnt d-d-do this…

  4. peen

    he only pee pee poo poo farted for the good of humanity.

  5. peepee poopoo check

  6. the browning of north america. poopoo peepee is inevitable!

  7. Seriously?

    College and mccaul is on U of T campus, no where near ryerson.

  8. pppoooo

    PP poo poo

  9. Samuel Opoku

    YOU’LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  10. Poop And Pee Mixed Together

    Caught brown handed, but never forgotten. :'(

  11. peepeepoopoojr

    not be doo

  12. ppdoodoocacalickerXDjoemama

    pp yummy

  13. TheDiahreeahMan

    Butts? haha with poo and pee

  14. Robert

    Now he’s all pooped out.

  15. TheBurpBurpSneezeSneezeMan

    So ashamed to see my cousin caught in the act

  16. Ms. Pee pee poo poo women

    no, not samuel he was my lover

  17. Poopeepeepooguy

    Hate to see my brother get caught

  18. PissPissShitShitMan

    I will continue your legacy my king.

  19. peepeepoopoo sr.

    no samuel would never, he was a good son :I

  20. May the peepee poopoo man live on in my body

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