Twilight reenactment to take place on Ryerson campus

By Amelia Rose Ritthaler

What seemed like a simple one-off nostalgic tweet to the 2008 golden age of Kristen Stewart has blossomed into a grassroots arts organization on Ryerson campus.

First-year biology student Kylie Luxis tweeted out on Tuesday: “Ppl who punk out on twilight’s literary worth when new moon had four blank pages reading ‘october, november, december, january’ after edward left bella…ur uncultured.” 

Since this controversial yet critically-acclaimed tweet, Twilight content has taken off on social media.

Ryerson students have been failing quizzes left and right so they can focus on making the perfect TikTok to express how Edward’s stone-ice dick was the beginning of their sexual awakening at the age of 12. 

Sixth-year RTA student and former Degrassi: Next Generation star Beluga Well missed her first day of practicum shooting so she could stay home and photoshop her face onto every member of the Volturi.

While the student budget cuts strike a few weeks ago struggled to rally, nostalgic Twilight fans— famously known as “fanpires” or “Twihards”—were able to unionize in just a few days. 

A group larger than the amount of humans all vampires have killed on forest hikes in all of history gathered in support of the timeless saga. The fans have been hard at work in planning a full reenactment of every film. Except, of course, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 because we’ve collectively as a society decided that it didn’t actually happen.

President of the Twilight Reenactment Group, Hassam Muggs, refused to share any specifics of their plans but said he’s thankful for the opportunity to combine his two biggest passions: Robert Pattinson before he did 9/11 rom-coms and pretending to be thousands of years old.

Muggs was later hospitalized for asphyxiation after nearly dying because he was trying to recreate the lab scene where Edward had an alarmingly intimate moment with himself while smelling Bella.

The reenactment is scheduled for Nov. 23 and will be taking place all over campus. Students who ran are planning on looking very serious as they speedwalk into class, Pitman Hall residents will buy food in the cafeteria and then not eat it and no-shave November participants are going to war with Ryerson’s palest depressives on Gould Street.

For more information check out @TwiGuy on Twitter as they will be live tweeting the entire event.