Alternate uses for your unused textbook

By Constance Osuchowski

We’ve all had that one professor who insists on their students buying the textbook. But like a lot of courses, you might realize that you only really need three pages in the textbook—the ones your prof contributed to, of course.

If you’re upset about the money you’ve spent on a textbook you’re barely using, don’t worry. Here’s how to get the most out it:

1. Feeling nostalgic about snow days?

Wait for a snowy day, grab your best friends and head over to Riverdale Park! Climb up the hill and join the kids in some sledding fun. All you need is warm clothes, a complete and total lack of shame and a good old-fashioned hardcover textbook to sled on.

2. Roommates used all of the toilet paper again and didn’t buy more?

Just leave a textbook in the washroom. The less words on the page the softer and more absorbent it is! You’ll have those toilet paper loving bears wishing they had what you do.

3. Have an argument to settle?

Don’t waste your time crying, talking it out or coming to an amicable compromise. A heavy textbook makes a fantastic projectile.  

4. Have a rodent problem?

Remember: if you’re cold, so are they! Consider building the rats living in your walls a nice warm nest. Paper is an excellent insulator. Make sure your new neighbors are nice and cozy by shredding up a couple pages for them.  I’m sure they’ll be so grateful for a warm place to have their babies.

5. Your landlord won’t fix the heating again?

The space heater and the plastic wrap you’ve taped over the window just aren’t doing the trick? Chuck a couple of textbooks into a metal trash can and enjoy a roaring fire in your own living room. Don’t forget to put some tape over your smoke detector and bring some marshmallows!  

6. Don’t feel like washing any dishes?

Open up your textbook and eat right off the pages! When you’re done, simply rip off the page and toss it away. Make sure to eat quickly—if the ink bleeds into your hot pocket it could give you a stomachache. Your textbook should be microwave safe, but check for staples first.

7. Spend all your grocery money at Balzac’s again? Blend your textbook with a few cups of water and a little protein powder for a smoothie that is not only filling, but high in fibre. Maybe you can even absorb some of the information.