Student excited to be going to university at worst time

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By Claire Donoghue

An incoming first-year student couldn’t be more excited to start their Ryerson journey at the worst possible time. Professional Communications major Sal C. Mooz had no idea when they applied to Ryerson University that they would be starting school in the middle of a global pandemic.

Although it seems like the school year will be ruined for most, Mooz is chomping at the bit to start. “I’ve been waiting all summer, sitting around on my bed staring at my laptop, to start the school year where I can sit around on my bed staring at my laptop,” said Mooz.

When asked why they are so excited about the upcoming school year, Mooz listed all the fun activities available during orientation week. Some online activities available during O-Week 2020 include: passive-aggressive email writing, realistic VR of getting lost trying to find classes and a video game tournament featuring the running T-rex game you play when your internet is out. “I’ve been practicing,” said Mooz over a Zoom interview.

Mooz also superglued their Snapchat username to their head in preparation for frosh. They said they thought it was a good way to make friends.

“I know it might be a bit harder to make friends online, but I’m fully ready to give out all my social media handles like I’m an influencer,” said Mooz. “Even if my Snapchat username is still ‘LOLrandoOMG’ from Grade 6.”

“My Snapchat username is still ‘LOLrandoOMG’ from Grade 6”

During the Zoom call, Mooz also showed off their newly purchased LED lights strung up all around their room. Studies have shown that the sales of LED lights have risen 500 per cent since it was announced that most universities would be going online only for September.

Hugh Slissjob, a market analyst who specializes in the LED light industry, said the reason for the sales increase is likely that students want to embrace the nightlife while staying socially distant. “The LED market is lit right now,” said Slissjob. “See what I did there?”

There has also been a rise in sales of other products that help replicate Toronto’s nightlife, including cardboard cutouts of sardines to mimic an overcrowded atmosphere, candles that smell like sweat and tacky leopard print chairs.

Some of Mooz’s friends and family have expressed concern over their eagerness for the school year. Their father, Sal C. Mooz Sr., said “talk about a waste of money. I wanted to pay for Sal to go to school, not be taught by some teacher named Dee Touelle.” Mooz Sr. also said that Mooz has been refreshing said D2L page every hour or so, impatiently waiting for online classes to begin.

Mooz’s friends have also been worried about their well-being as they become more and more excited about school. “We missed prom, graduation and the senior trip,” said Mooz’s friend Riley Consernd. “Yet Mooz is still talking about school non-stop, saying it’ll be the best year ever. I’m starting to think they live under a rock.”

Other friends of Mooz agree with Consernd, many of them assuming Mooz is only pretending to be happy about the year. Mooz’s friend, Watt Daheck said, “I think Mooz is really in denial. I’ve never heard someone say how great a year is gonna be every five minutes before.”

When Mooz heard the allegations, they said they were shocked. “Are you kidding me? I’ve never been more excited about anything in my whole life,” they said.

“I can’t wait for my Wi-Fi to glitch, my eyes to hurt from staring at my screen and to drink alone in my room for all the frosh events! Plus it’s an excuse to avoid my parents. Mostly an excuse to avoid my parents.”

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