By Zachary Roman
Members of the Ryerson Surfing Club (RSC) are “super stoked” about the upcoming second wave everyone keeps talking about.
The surfing club formed just one month ago, when talks of a second wave were really starting to take off. Jake Mnews is the vice-president of the RSC and says he was instrumental in the club’s formation.
“My cousin’s best friend’s uncle’s mechanic’s dog groomer’s ex-wife’s son shared a screenshot of a tweet that was a screenshot of a Reddit post to his Facebook feed,” said Mnews. “It said that everyone should be prepared, as the second wave will hit Toronto soon.”
Mnews said he didn’t look into the post any further—he never reads the news anyways and had seen what he needed to see. He came to the terrible realization that he had missed his chance to ride the first surfable wave to ever hit Toronto and swore on the sacred name of Crush (the stoner turtle from Finding Nemo) that he wouldn’t miss the second one. He called his best friend Sheena Shark right away.
“You don’t get many chances to surf around here, so me and the Jakester were hella bummed when we realized we had missed the first wave,” said Shark, president of the RSC. “We knew we had to do something and spread the word so nobody would ever have to suffer our cruel fate again—that’s why we founded the Ryerson Surfing Club.”
After founding the club, Shark and Mnews packed Shark’s Dodge Caravan with their surfboards, wetsuits, 25 boxes of Clif Bars, two ounces of weed and a water filter. They drove to Woodbine Beach and haven’t left since. They posted their location on the club’s Instagram, @SurfinThe6ix, in hopes that more like-minded surfers would join them.
Only one did.
Norrin Radd, a fourth-year physics student, saw the RSC’s post and went down to Woodbine Beach. He has been living out of Shark’s car at Woodbine Beach for two weeks now and is currently failing all of his classes since his phone ran out of data. Still, he perseveres, patiently waiting for a chance to test out his signature silver surfboard.
“Even if just one massive wave comes for us to ride it’s going to be out of this world,” said Radd. “But can you imagine how fantastic it would be if, say, four waves came? Ah, the marvels of nature.”
Shark, Mnews and Radd take turns doing eight-hour shifts watching the water, constantly looking for any signs of a “bomb.” According to Stoked Surf School, a bomb is described as a very large wave, one that is much larger than a surf session’s normal wave size.
So far, all they have seen in the murky, probably poisonous and/or radioactive Lake Ontario waters are Tim Hortons cups, a metric shit-ton of geese and the Loch Ness Monster. But no sign of the second wave.
“I heard that the second wave already broke at Western University, which is totally bodacious,” said Radd. “But that school isn’t anywhere near a major body of water, right? It makes no sense dude.”
Mnews and Radd both said it’s become uncomfortable living in their wetsuits 24 hours a day, seven days a week—the thigh chafing is unbearable. However, Shark forbids them from taking the wetsuits off.
“Taking off your wetsuit is as good as denouncing the long history and good name of the Ryerson Surfing Club,” said Shark. “Don’t you remember how we got into this mess in the first place? We missed the first wave. We have to be ready to hit the second one at all times.”
At the time of publication, the RSC reported that they have not seen any signs of a wave forming. If you would like to donate to their Clif Bar fund, see the formations of a second wave or, if you know how to surf, you can direct message them on their Instagram. None of the RSC’s members have ever actually surfed before.