I got a Valentine’s Day Snapchat from Team Snapchat and it made me think of you

In Fun & Satire1 Comment

Reading Time: 2 minutes

By Karly Benson

Hey. I’m just texting you because I got the Snapchat today. The annual, dreaded Team Snapchat ‘Happy Valentine’s Day!’ video to remind all us single people that we’re never truly alone. It made me think of you, of course. 

Do you remember last Halloween when we were drinking merlot in Trinity Bellwoods Park? That kid wearing the Spider-Man costume was crying because his web-shooters broke, and right at that moment you told me that we would keep our Snapchat streak forever, even if we broke up although we never would. I guess you lied about two things that day. 

I try not to think of you very often because it’s still too painful for me. All I can think about is watching you play Call of Duty for hours, telling me you’d get me a coffee and then forgetting, or leaving a glob of whitening toothpaste in my sink after you brushed your teeth. God, I miss you so much. 

When you told me you didn’t like me anymore…my heart literally fell out of my butt

When I first saw you inside the Pitman cafeteria on Tuesday, Sept. 7, I remember feeling right away that there was something so special between us. It was the way you grabbed the Nanaimo bar right after I did, as if we were one. The thought of anything with coconut makes me want to gag now. I remember staring at you from across the long cafeteria tables until I worked up the courage to sit at the table next to yours. I could feel our magnetic connection from a mile away. 

It took a few residence parties for us to actually talk to each other, but for the sake of all of our friends, it was probably better that way. We were so annoying together in the cutest way possible. I’d read over your midterm papers and you’d say “thank you” every time. I would send you “good morning” texts every day and you would respond around 2 p.m. That’s my least favourite time of day now. 

When you told me that you didn’t like me anymore, on Jan. 26, my heart literally fell out of my butt onto the stone-cold icy sidewalk. I cried so hard after you walked away that my eyelashes froze and now I can’t even wear mascara to make myself feel better. I stayed up all night that night to see if you would send me your streaks, but you never did. The Snapchat hourglass wavered back and forth for hours while I anxiously ate dill pickle chips (your favourite), until there was nothing left. No more streak and no more dill pickle chips. No more us. 

It was almost like a sense of closure for me, except for the fact that I would’ve done literally anything for us to get back together, even if it meant joining the Toronto Curling Club with you. I hadn’t opened Snapchat again until today when Team Snapchat told me they love me, something you never said. Anyway, I hope you’re doing well!

Comments

  1. Such a funny piece, made me feel not as bad about Team Snapchat being my only valentine. Amazing writing!

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